I say to these people: Wait no more! Clip those fingernails! Log off all of your social networking sites! Get ready to be showered with the rewards of freedom!
I'm pleased to present you the results of the Texas State Fair Fried Food Election.
But first, let me remind you of this year's candidates*:
Deep Fried Picnic-on-a-Stick (P) : A safe, well-rounded contender that presents itself as a shish-kebab of chicken, tater tots and pickles dipped in batter and fried to perfection, this candidate promised to please a variety of taste buds.
Deep Fried Tres Leches Cake (T) : Perhaps the only candidate that bothered appealing to Hispanic voters, the fried tres leches cake offered a totally new perspective on the tradition of fair foods.
Fried Bacon Cinnamon Roll (B) : This progressive, unrelenting candidate wasn't afraid to boldly blur the boundaries between sweet and savory.
Deep Fried Jambalaya (J) : Proudly hailing from the South, this candidate's flavorful reputation preceeds it; some voters might have been turned off by its strong Cajun background, but many more seemed willing to give it a fair chance.
* A fifth candidate, Fried Cactus Bites, unexpectedly dropped out of the race due to my deciding I wouldn't actually want to spend money on it.
Aaaaaaand, the moment you've been waiting for: whowunnit?!
There you have it, folks! It was pretty contested during some of the different voting methods (lookin atchu, Bored-a Count), but I think we can all agree that there was a clear winner, and that winner was DEEP FRIED JAMBALAYA!
On behalf of myself and my future diabetes, I'd like to thank everyone who exercised their right to make my food-related decisions for me. Pictures of the election results in action to come soon.
Aaaaand Minnesota just got called for Obama, so I'm gonna go celebrate the success of my absentee vote! BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING, AMURRICA!
