Try Again

A year ago on this very day, my dad dropped me off at the DMV so I could try for a third time to pass my driving test. The first time, I hadn't turned on what was allegedly a turn-only lane. The second time, I had knocked a cone coming out of my perfectly executed parallel park. On the morning of the third attempt, the roads were covered in three inches of cold mush and I decided that if I made it out alive to see the DMV guy circle the FAIL on my sheet, I would spend the rest of the day wallowing in the safety of my self-pity while watching the O.C.

And then by some seasonally appropriate miracle, I passed! I don't remember actually driving during the test, I just remember getting into the car and then parking at the end and hearing the guy next to me say "Well, you passed," before listing all the things I did wrong. It's likely that everyone at the DMV could tell I was shocked about passing, considering that I looked like a deer in headlights when I got my picture taken.

So, happy birthday, Driver's License!

Another notable accomplishment that required several attempts is getting through a Stephen King novel, which instantly became a priority starting in 9th grade when I learned that he was a Red Sox fan. Deciding to finish a novel by the nation's most celebrated horror book writer was a big deal, considering how I was too scared to keep my eyes open during this scene from The Princess Bride until I turned 13.

And so:

Cujo, 9th grade, stopped reading after the 5th page

The Stand, 9th grade, stopped reading after the first person died

Insomnia, 11th grade, stopped reading after second chapter

The Shining, last summer, fearlessly finished entire book! (It may have helped that I'd seen the movie 10 years ago and sort of knew how things ended. But still.)

Moral of the story: Dreams really do come true! All it takes is a lot of nagging from your parents about how you're the only person left in high school/college who doesn't drive, or consistent teasing from your best friend for not wanting to watch The Ring 2.

So, take that, world! I've read a scary book and I get to drive myself back to Northfield in two weeks, what up?

Who You Gonna Call?

Life can be tough sometimes, you know? And when life gets tough, you find out who your real friends are. When the world has got me down and nobody understands my secret pain, there is one thing I always know I can turn to. Its name is Yahoo Answers.

Typical scenario: My life is crumbling before my eyes. My mittens are lost. The key to my brother's car won't turn. That one line from that one Jack Johnson song is on the tip of my tongue and I can't remember how it goes. There's a crick in my back. The oil paintings I have to turn in the next day aren't dry yet.

Who you gonna call? Yahoo Answers. Because not only will you find a diverse assortment of solutions or off-topic rants, you will realize that things could be a lot worse. You will realize that somewhere in the universe is a 15 year old girl who isn't sure how to read her pregnancy test. Or someone who's having trouble uploading their original fan fiction Word doc. Or someone who needs help choosing a new designer iPhone case. Or someone who doesn't have Spellchecker. Each tab that I open feels like a whole new universe that I have yet to explore. Each question I read makes me into a more introspective, curious person.

"What type of music is each zodiac sign good at dancing?"

"Where can i get spice girls lolliepops?"

"What's a good plea to get unbanned from 4chan?"

"Will snow globe collections give you profit in the future?"

"Why oh why do i hate stupid people?"

"How can I get some tumblr followers, possibly overnight?"

"How did my brother become a geek and let himself go?"

"Do rabbits with wings even exist?"

"How long after eating cereal should I wait before drinking soda?"

As Frank Atwood so graciously put it in the last season of The O.C. when he was trying to explain his undying love for Julie Cooper, "We're from the same world." Such is my undying love for Yahoo Answers. I go to Yahoo Answers and I find kindred spirits. I find the questions I didn't even know I wanted to ask.

The Day I Met Sandra Cisneros

Two months ago, Sandra Cisneros came to speak at Carleton. I sat in the second row, took out a notebook, and didn't stop writing until she stepped off the podium. Well, that's not true. At one point I raised my hand and asked her a question. She asked me my name. She answered (looking at me! talking to me!) and I waited until she had broken eye contact to write down what she was saying. Here's what I have in my notebook:

_______________________________________________________________

Oct. 8, Friday 2010

Convo: Sandra Cisneros talk

Sandra is wearing a blue pantsuit with white polka dots, like something my grandma would wear. She has shoulder length, dark hair with reddish brown tints. She has huge thick glasses that take up a quarter of her face. Her nose sticks out like a beak, and her lipstick is the same color of her hair and glasses, a dark wine red. It's hard to tell her eyes through the glasses. I think her voice will be low and craggly.

Oh my gosh it's not, it's annoying like Karen from Will and Grace.

She says she's wearing her pajamas and talking about talking and listening to trees. She's using her birthday party to raise money for the screenplay for The House on Mango Street.

-Day of the Dead, "the people who crossed over are very present"

"maybe a more accurate translation of mija is 'I love you'"

- relearning superstition

She makes art! (?)

"When you are grieving, making anything will nourish your spirit, whether it is a cupcake or a poem. Making art is like going to a monastery and reflecting."

"... a language for the things we cannot say"

"When you die, it's like the library of Alexandria burning -- unless you write these stories. Write from the place that's only yours. Write 10 things only you know. Write 10 things you wish you could forget."

She says she's Buddhist now.

"If you're thinking about who's going to read, you can't write. The rules are:

1. Tell the truth

2. Don't hurt anyone

She told us how she meditates. She imagines the Teletubbies sun-baby.

at this point I raised my hand and asked something.

She's looking at me she's looking at me she's saying "... trust your heart (she's touching her heart), because anything that comes from there will be good. You have to forget your ego. You have to forget your fear."

_______________________________________________________________

I can't remember if she answered my question. But I remember she seemed very spacey and weird. Like the kind of woman who sells you snake oil instead of tylenol for your cold. No, but I felt lucky being there because someone who says pretty things and writes pretty things makes you believe the world is a pretty place.

Things I Will Do Over Winter Break

1. Watch The O.C.

Ready set GO! Californiaaaaaaa, here we cooooooome.

Numbahz

4 days until I go hoooome

12 finished paintings

2 finals left

150+ images on the art history exam

2.5 hours of Harry Potta last night

1 Whoa performance Wednesday night

6 bruises on my knees from dance

1 hot/cold gel pad on my back

8 times I've listened to Electric Feel in the past hour

4 months until the MCAT (ha..)

12.50 dining dollars left in my account

3 slices of pecan pie this week, a vast improvement in my self-control

1 a cappella rendition of the prettiest song in the world by Exit 69

1 vital member of Exit 69 no longer at Carleton

0 word count for my American Studies essay

Lately

What My Life Has Looked Like Lately

1. A lot of this:


I'm taking a painting class, which translates into "I constantly have paint all over my arms, hands and face."


2. Some of this:


My campus job is to advertise terrible school events and make them seem not-as-terrible. Liiiike Screw-Your-Roommate (less commonly referred to as Set Up Your Roommate by boring people), where dozens of people go on awkward blind dates. No but sometimes it's not so bad. When I was a freshman, my date and I went to the chapel rooftop and complained about the meal plan.

This poster is actually my proudest achievement of this entire term, solely because Snooki turned out pretty well. If I say so myself.

3. A LOT of this:

Last week all I listened to was "Mine" and "Today Was A Fairytale". Then Brandi Branham showed me this song, and I have been listening to it nonstop. Because it is absolutely beautiful. I wish I could take a time machine, go back to 8th grade and attend a John Adams Middle School dance where THIS was the slow dance of the night (instead of this). I could be arms-length apart from Kellen Anderson and silently thinking about how the two of us would be young forever.

Tuesday's Coming, My Baby

1. TIL that there is such a word as twitterature, which is used to describe my generation's persistent need for constant self-affirmation, defining, declaration, and the overall desire to be watched. It's fun to talk about how dumb Twitter is because EVERYONE hates Twitter (see Fig. 1).

2. Concerning Fig.1. Can we find new things to hate? Because these are getting kind of old. Behold my flawless argument:

- iPad: who cares?

- Taylor Swift: the miracle of true love isn't her fault, so let her sing about it. Also, I'm kind of getting married.. how can I NOT love T-Swift?

- Twitter: yeaaaaaaah it's lame but how else will Justin Timberlake personally wish me a Happy Halloween?

- Hipsters: actually we can keep complaining about hipsters

3. Now I'm gonna be a hipster and tell you what music to listen to because I'm full of feelings and I want you to know it. So.. hey you! Listen to Dareh Meyod with me and think about how much you miss high school. Or how much you don't miss it, I guess.

4. Halloween is over. :(

5. School isn't that much fun anymore. Which is why I'm on here instead of writing an essay about Romanesque and Gothic architecture.

6. I really like painting. I hate stretching the canvas. Stretching the canvas sucks. Stretching the canvas is like eating a bowl of Trix that's been sitting in the milk for way too long and now all the pieces are soggy and gross. Stretching the canvas is like trying to hold my breath under a vat of boiling pus juice. AAAUUUUGHHHH.

How To Write A Paper About Ethnicity

1. Have no idea what your thesis is
2. Open Word anyway
3. Lie about the date so your professors don't hate you for waiting until 24 hours before the deadline to start their assignment
4. Think about what to write.
5. Check the expiration on your bread. You can't do well in school of you die of food poisoning.
6. Think about what to write.
7. Listen to Pandora for inspiration
8. Research Michael Jackson's life, as it is relevant to ethnicity because he deliberately broke the barriers between race!
9. Learn Michael Jackson had a skin disease that made him white.
10. Delete lengthy paragraph about MJ's contributions to social construction of ethnicity from Word document.
11. Delete "Black or White" from works cited
12. Be determined to finish this essay in an efficient, intellectual manner. Stridently open Google to find legitimate sources that will support your thesis, which you'll figure out later.
13. Accidentally type "oogle.com"
14. Relish in simultaneous horror and amusement.


"Ashley Madison: Life is short. Have an affair."

Things I learned while writing a paper about ethnicity:
- 7,330,000 people are using a hilarious online cheating website that guarantees an affair to remember, or your money back!

Hi, my name is Mainstream.

On the first day of our computer class in 7th grade, the teacher thought it would be fun for everyone in the room to introduce ourselves by saying our names and our favorite musician. Which was great for 26 of the 27 people in the class, because it quickly became apparent that most people had similar tastes in music:

"I'm Heather Martinson, and I like Jay Z."

"I'm Jade Williams, and I like Jay Z."

"I'm Tater, I like Jay Z."

Which eventually turned into,

"Tyler Brody, Jay Z."

"Zac, Jay Z."

"Nicole, Jay Z."

So it was really fun to have no idea who all these people were talking about, and say, "I'm Paulina, I like Michelle Branch." Who the heck was Jayzee? Did these people even listen to KROC? Because I did, and I'm pretty sure that "The Game of Love" and "Everywhere" were played at least 50 times a day. And if anyone was having a rough love life, didn't they all listen to "All You Wanted"?

Apparently not.

Fortunately, my college education is filling the gaping holes left behind from my time in public school. Seven years after I first heard of this so called Jay Z, I auditioned for what I thought was a hip hop dance company. It turned out to be a misnomer for Carleton's Jay-Z Appreciation Society.

New Life Goal: Pay someone in Olin to build a time machine, go back to the first day of 7th grade, and when it gets to be my turn to introduce myself, say:

"I'm Paulina. I know you all think Jay Z's current stuff is great, but it pales in comparison to his songs in near future. "On to the Next One" will be overplayed just because everyone will make a big deal about all the Satanic stuff going on in his video, but "Empire State" won't be played enough. And yeah, it's kind of cheap that he thinks he can just reword the title of "Young Forever" and get away with the first verse of the original song, but in my opinion, his verse in "Swagger Like Us" is punny enough for me to let him get away with it. And "Run This Town" just gives me chills, but that's partly because Rihanna is so good at making my life feel dramatic. But since I'm not popular enough to like him right now, I'm gonna keep listening to my soft pop for a while longer, because it doesn't swear as much, so my mom won't get mad when I sing along."

In other music-related news:

- Somebody Still Loves You, Boris blablaweirdlastname is coming to Carleton, which means that I'll go see them, sing along to the four songs that somehow got into my iTunes library, and leave before the concert gets too obscure and indie.

-Stop making fun of Justin Bieber. He is a successful single mom's kid from Canada who has an obnoxious haircut (but who doesn't these days?) and who melts people's hearts when he sings about love. LOVE. It's not supposed to be deep, just let the catchy take you away and sing along.

-Reason #abillion why I like Ernesto: He is taking me to see Fun! Because Rodrigo and Gabriela cancelled their show. So.. "Awwww," and "Yay!"

fall!

I AM SO EXCITED FOR FALL. It's the only season with two names because all of its splendor and glory can't fit into just one word. In case you've forgotten what fall is all about, here are a couple of vocab words to refresh your memory:

- yarn mittens! but with none of that finger business

- LEAVES aka, the city of Northfield in formalwear

- crisp wind that makes you shiver and gives you an excuse to hug someone

- sweaters

- pink cheeks

- the smell of pencils

- Halloween

- apple cider

- football games I don't attend, but talk about nonetheless

-Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

- "You've Got Mail"

- sepia-colored everything

- candy corn

- Norah Jones-y music

- October Baseball

That's 15 non-Carleton related reasons why I am more than happy to wave goodbye to the broken toaster that has been summer of 2010. Carleton-related reasons:

- I miss The Clap

- I left my umbrella in the dining center

- I miss spending 10+ hours/week in the dance studio

- My mailbox this year is the perfect height, no joke. PERFECT. Please send me mail, otherwise I'll just subscribe to cheap magazines so that I can have a reason to open it every day.

Other Bullets:

- Tomorrow is my sister's murder mystery party for her 11th birthday party. MURDER MYSTERY party. With a CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. I've already been outcooled.

- My brother is in Cedar City being a whiner. I was half-asleep when I said goodbye to him before he left for his flight, which has upsides and downsides, but mostly downsides. But for what it's worth, I still hesitate before turning corners at my house in case he's crouching behind them.

Who's That Pokemon?

Clues:

-Wrist/Hand Accessories
-Messy Black Hair
-Trademark Hat (worn backwards for full effect)
- Furrowed Eyebrows and Chronic Look of Fierceness

iiiiiiiiit's..

Mateo Trujillo!

Put down in words

When I hear Ewan McGregor sing "Your Song," it's like eating a really big Mento. There's a really really fast rush of "I don't think this is a good idea" when all the condensed mint flavor kind of explodes all over the place, but then half a second later I realize that I am absolutely invigorated and can conquer anything, in a soft and simple way. Take that, infected monster bug bites. Take that, student loans! Take that, enormous load of laundry that's been building up for a month. None of you matter because Ewan McGregor has just professed his feelings for me to all of Paris. And his voice didn't falter even once. And I have the sweetest eyes he's ever seen. Ha! And now I don't have to brush my teeth, because I just had a Mento. Double ha!

______________________________________________________________

This Summer Has Been Excellent Because:

- I was in the same room as Josh Ritter. While he sang with an orchestra. While he was standing 2 feet away from my Girl in the War book. Scientifically speaking, there's an 85% chance he saw the book lying on the ground at one point, 90% chance that it didn't get thrown away at the end of the concert, and 100% chance that we will be secret pen pals.

- The world cup happened. I laughed and cried and sang Waka Waka and called David Villa a lot of mean things (because that's what you do when you have a crush on someone).

Postcard

I've lost count of how many days I've been blazing trails all over the foreign wilderness known as Canada, which is best known for its major contributions to civilization (listed in level of importance): Celine Dion, Degrassi and Justin Bieber.

The million-dollar question is when I'm moving here. Canada has everything someone could dream of having. Their national symbol is a lot easier to draw Uncle Sam or a US flag or a portrait of Snooki. They have a drumline perform EVERY MORNING in front of the Parliament building. They offer overpriced liberal arts educations for students who want useless majors. They have MacDonalds. They speak English and French, so moving to Canada is instant class (but it's not like they can get away with acting superior to you when your French accent is miserable because France doesn't like them anyways).

Canada is almost my dream come true. If it weren't for the fact that not one single restaurant I've been to offers lemonade (none at all! not even regular lemonade, because I understand that pink lemonade is a commodity no matter where you are. But not even regular lemonade!), otherwise known as the sweet nectar of life, I'd be looking for a cardboard box to call home right now.

It's Almost The End of Summer And I Still Haven't

- finished LOST. alksjdflkasjdflkjsadlfksdjfl

Hm, I thought this list would be a lot longer.

Horrible Things I Should Not Like

1. "California Gurls"

2. Lil' Wayne

3. Jersey Shore

4. Chick-lit, in the form of Meg Cabot books and recently, Bridget Jones' Diary

5. The final verse of "Love Story".

List TBC.

Also, Some Important Things That Have Happened As Of Late:

Was recently informed (by Francisco, who couldn't stop laughing) that Adam Lambert and Pete Wentz are two different people. Was relieved. Had been mortified that the hottest member of Fall Out Boy was gay and therefore unable to find me attractive. All is well.

Saw Doug Lee at Rochesterfest. Had not seen him nor been to Rochesterfest since 11th grade. Kind of an overwhelming night.

Was driving back from Nfield when heard this song. Thought it was stupid. Heard it about three more times. By the fourth time, had fallen in love with it. For some reason, makes me reminiscent of tenth grade.

Survived Boundary Waters. Half of right pinky toe nail mysteriously disappeared.

And Ernesto broke up with his colon. FB official.

The Devil Wears Fruit of the Loom

So one minute I'm just me, halfway done with my dead-end liberal arts career, wearing things like size 3 jeans and clearance rack shirts. Embarrassing, I know. But the next minute I'm waiting in the elevator of the Rochester Art Center, hearing the floompers walking around the ground floor (I call them floompers because that's the sound their crocs make when they're walking around in their Crocs all over the place, floomp floomp floomp...).

I know what you're thinking. That being an unpaid intern working for the Art Center's public program's director is going to change me. That my new Crocs-clad boss is going to shove a claw down my throat, pull out my soul, feed it to her 18-month old baby, then turn me into a snobby art slave. That she'll convince me that the most important thing in life is to trample over all the little people in order to come out on top. That she'll make me risk my very life just to get her a DVD of the unreleased final Harry Potter movie. That she'll get me to wear things that belong on 3-year olds.

But never fear. I promise that I am at least a little bit stronger than anyone Anne Hathaway has ever portrayed (except maybe Mia Thermopolis).

Thoughts

People Who Make Me Most Happy:

- John Mayer

- Justin Timberlake

Books I Want to Finish This Summer:

-Cohen!

-Paula

-Anna Karenina

-Ignorance

How I Feel Right Now:

- Indecisive

- Disappointed

- Sleepy

How My Room Looks Right Now:

- like tornado season

Things I Want To Do With My Feet:

-wiggle them to music

-feel the SWOOOOSH wind on a swing

-conduct a Fantasia song

Things I Want To Do Today

-nothing

Reasons Why I Like KROC:

- Carry Out

- OMG

- Toxic

People I Hugged At Graduation Last Night:

-Michael Mossaad

-Jeremy Goerss

People I Really Wanted to Hug At Graduation Last Night, But Couldn't Find:

-Jeffrey Tanner

Song of the Day:

-Dreams, Fleetwood Mac

Best Part of the Opening World Cup Game:

-when South Africa did their little dance after the first goal

Movies I'm In The Mood For:

- You've Got Mail

- Monty Python & the HG

- The Devil Wears Prada

Villains I Root For:

- Sue Silvester

- Angelica

- Helga

Hottest Guys On Lost, Season 4 (who are still alive)

1. Sawyer

2. Keamey

3. Desmond

4. Sayid

Hottest Guy On Lost, Ever

1. Boone

You probably don't want to read this post

because I've felt it coming for a while and I can still it's just a big long string of nothing. Like, doing-everything-except-homework-while-listening-to-Juan-Mayer-and-talking-about-myself nothing. It also has too much caps.

THINGS I WANT TO SHOUT REAL LOUD-LIKE:

1. hey YOU: your email made me mad today mainly because it was mean. thanks for ruining what was going to be a non-significant, results-less psychology study. now I can study my own aggression.

Paulina Lopez
Hostile Aggression (she would really like to hit this person)
Relational Aggression (she would really like to say things like "you big fatso, no one could ever love you" to this person)
Frustration-Aggression (she is upset at this person for interfering with her goal of getting an okay grade in her psyc lab)

2. hey YOU: for some strange reason, the aforementioned survey has somehow gotten 415 responses. so you disabled it because the limit is 350. so now I have to pay to get my data. but of course i'm not going to do that, so i'm going to fail this assignment and fail this class and LAKJDLKDJFL. more like qualtrics.con*

*see what I did?
I replaced m with an n
so now it is con instead of com
and it means that qualtrics cheats and steals from people.

THINGS I REALLY REALLY LIKE

1. That being said.. can I just say that I really really liked Mr. Brain Wash throughout the entirety of Banksy's (Bansky)'s movie? Because I did. I thought he was brilliant. When he spilled paint all over his car and when he kept hitting his camera with walls as he walked down the street and when he made Park Amusement into Art Amusement and when he replaced Elvis's guitar with a Fisher Price gun and when he was... when he was... when he was... when he was... when he is... when he is ... what he represents... he is... he is...

I really liked him.

And I really liked the movie. A lot.

Should YOU Watch Exit Through The Gift Shop? Luckily for you, I've designed a sophisticated flowchart that will help you make an informed decision. Answer the question and follow the arrows that go with your answer!

2. Imma be making some posters next yurr. For monaaaaay. With Campus Activities (soon to be known as Student Activities! only not really, because everyone will still call it Campus Actvities). Eee!

And over the SUMMAH:

1. I will NOT be wearing red and khaki because I will NOT be clocking in to work at Rochester North SuperTarget Lanes or Guest Services or 1-Hr PhotoLab.

1 1/2. I WILL see how long it takes for Target to realize that I'm still using my 10% off.

2. I WILL be reading about the history of Mexican printmaking and making prints in a not-crowded studio and getting paid for it. I am so excited. I haven't had a chance to write about this very much, but I am SO SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THIS. Because maybe it will be the only time that anyone pays me to do something that is too fun to be considered work. DEAR ART YOU ARE THE BEST JOB I HAVE EVER HAD.

3. I'm doing an internship? With the Rochester Art Center? Which means I'm kind of an adult?

Okay. Enough.

Life is alright right now.

Listen:

Procrastination (((((SPOILER))))))

is spelled

"P-A-U-L-I-N-A"

and the worst part is that I'm on spring break. Spring BREAK.

Alright, let's get to it:

Words I Don't Understand

1. swagger (swagga)

Forgive my monumental uncoolness, but what does this mean? I just realized, maybe 24 hours ago, that I've said this word about sixteen thousand times, mainly because I've sung along to Tik Tok about sixteen thousand times (and loved every single bit of it). Other people who've gotten me saying it: Lil Wayne, Chris Brown, Fergie and da Peez, Mia (who, I recently learned, is actually spelled M.I.A. with periods in the middle (*see P!nk post)), and half of the people I hear on Pandora.

And I know what you're thinking! That this is just like that time in 7th grade when I didn't know what "boo" meant! And how it took me four years, four painful, meaningless years, to finally figure it out, thanks to Usher and Alicia Keys! But this time, I refuse to let four years pass by before I understand swagger.

Let's go about this strategically using the tried and true THIENTIFIC METHOD! (Since it's what I'm supposed to be doing for Andrew May Mellon's generous research fellowship application!

1. Question: Whats swagger?

2. Background Info:

• Paper Planes: "no one on the corner has swagga like us, something something prepaid wireless"
• Boom Boom Pow: "Them chickens jackin my style, they try to copy my swagger"
• Tik Tok: "the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger"
• Transform ya: "Swag low, I build you up, knees weak I stand you up"

3. Hypothesis:

Swagger is the mtv version of 'tumbao', as in 'la negra tiene tumbao'. Swagger is a limp that people walk with which actually makes them cooler.

Rationale:

walk + stagger = swagger

4. Experiment:

Wiki "swagger"

5. Results:

• Jake Hager a wrestler known as Jack Swagger
• Bob Lee Swagger, a fictional character created by Stephen Hunter
• Swagger stick, a riding crop carried by a uniformed person as a symbol of authority
• Swagger (Flogging Molly album)
• Swagger (Gun album)

(none of which look promising)

4.2. Experiment:

Google "swagger definition"

5.2. Results:

This blog.

"Be confident in who you are, because at the end of the day, that's all you are. You.

That's what swagger is, at least how I see it. All of these people walkin around think they have swagger because they're cocky and have money, but how many of these images are the real person? The word has lost it's meaning..."

6. Conclusion:

Today was the first day that Wikipedia failed me. Thank you, Swagger J, for healing the throbbing wound of my ignorance. Although I'm kind of upset that it's not walk+stagger..

I've got this research thing in the bag. Let's get this proposal did.

Spring Break To Do List:

1. Be in my own novela.

I've been home for 24 hours and I've already spent an embarrassingly large percentage of that time watching Pura Sangre, my mom's new addiction on Telefutura. Compare that to the time spent by other Carleton SpringBreakers doing everything in their power to look like this:

"Science!" (or, if he's feeling patriotic: "Thienthia!")

How To Make A Latin-American Soap Opera That Will Capture The Hearts Of Millions

1. TV Network - I'm Mexican, so.. Univision baby!

2. Theme Song - sooo important. Must somehow contain the title. Bonus points if it alludes to blood, tears, or heartache in general.

(inspired by Robin and Bill's Semaphore duet)

3. Title- determined by song so, any of these are feasible:

-Triste Febrero

-Gauchos Colorados

-Los Negros estan Llorando

-Esfuerzos Fracasados

-Sangre Derramada

-Salvajes

-La Esperanza Se Acabo

4. The Perfect Cast

The naive, 100% well-intentioned good girl- Taylor Bly

The not so naive, not so well-intentioned best friend- Kate Wilson

The legendary relative who "died of natural causes" (but was actually suffocated by a pillow)- Adam Anderson

The gringo - Jake Dungan

The powerhungry murdering rich girl who's obsessed with the good guy- Kelsey Norton

The fortune-teller - Courtney Bertschinger

The guy who gets manipulated by the rich evil girl for sexual favors/blackmail- Jon Aranda

The illegitimate son- Jeremy Goerss

The family doctor who switches babies at the beginning of the whole thing- Eric Hitimana

The Catholic priest who knows everyone's secrets BUT CAN'T REVEAL ANYTHING! - Phil Sietsema

The wise, down-to-earth servant woman who spends all her time in the kitchen - Catherine Cragun

The mafia leader (or equivalent) - Elsie Arisa

The great-looking good guy who gets what he wants- Aaron Kaufman

The great-looking good guy's brother who gambles and drinks too much and eventually dies- Mateo Trujillo

The other great-looking good guy who gets the consolation prize / ends up in a wheelchair - Will Corderis

Ew..

lSomeone who will not be named (Ernesto Manuel Llano, Davis 111, 507-250-2924, ernestorocks@gmail.com) suggested (demanded) that I be completely honest in this blog and reveal some of the unappealing things about myself. And since I love talking about myself (flaw #1), this entry was born.

2. I haven't showered since Monday at 7 pm. I don't plan on showering until tomorrow. This is a weekly pattern.

3. I chipped the same tooth twice in the past week. There is no cool story behind it. I got excited about Whoa and hit myself with an empty cereal bowl, it looked dumb. I still look dumb. Hopefully I'll get that fixed before Haley gets married so that I wont get shopped out of all the wedding pictures.

4. I use boy socks.

5. The last time I did laundry was December 22nd, 2009. No trips to the Watson Laundry room have been made since last fall, when I filmed that video for that stupid Cams class.

6. I got an effing B+ in that stupid Cams class, wtf. I don't get Bs unless it's a (fake) physics class. This was CAMS. I spend my free time picturing ways to make Paul Hager whimper.

7. I say things like "effing".

8. I spend my Aesthetics class writing down my feelings. Today's notes, for example: Thing I Don't Like About the Guys in this Class. V's mouth is too small and always hangs open. M's mouth is always half-open. His eyes are ALWAYS half lidded and his beard is scraggly. K's fingernails and hand gestures. The three of them are sitting in a row on the other side of the room, are they magnets to each other?

9. If I'm not friends with you, I either idolize you or hate you.

10. If I'm friends with you and your name is Jon Aranda, I hate you.

11. From Sunday through Tuesday, I made stupid decisions that resulted in my staying in Boliou until 3, 5 and 2 am.

12. Consequently, my immune system shot itself in the face and now I have a cold. I wipe my nose on my shirt because I'm too groggy and lazy to look for a tissue.

13. I sprayed my perfume in my mouth by accident. Perfume doesn't taste as good as it smells.

14. I hate brushing my teeth. I talk myself out of having to do it when I'm really tired. Which is all the time.

15. I lose everything. Everything. I'm very aware of this, and constantly check all of my coat/pants/bag pockets to make sure I still have my keys/Onecard/cell phone. I have lost all of those at least once this term. Also lost this term: my 2012 shirt, my mitten, my earring, my bra, two of my erasers, the pencil I bought and swore I wouldn't lose.

I'm going to go have dinner, which will probably consist of cereal, english muffins, 2-4 cookies and softserve. It will NOT consist of soda. Because I'm doing the lent thing for the first time to improve myself as a person. Not that there's a need.

Existentialist Meltdown.

UM HELLO?
Why can't I stop freaking out about my printmaking assignment?
Why can't I stop freaking out about choosing my major?
Why am I so self-involved?
Why does everyone love Catcher in the Rye?
Should I shower tonight?
Will I shower tonight?
If I shower tonight, when's the most likely time I'll shower next?
What happens to all the erasers I keep buying? WHERE DO YOU ALL GO?

some words that summarize my life as of late:
Chris Brown
Jay Z
REC center
Boliou
Printmaking
Printmaking
Printmaking
ink
ink
ink
essay
the urge to put Sam's face to a cheese grater and sprinkle the shavings into his coffee and pour it all over his stupidlooking hat I DON'T LIKE YOU AT ALL
Valentine's Day, starring all of Hollywood
Percy Jackson movie
freakout
Imma be
hey girl hey girl hey girl hey girl
typical guido
summah
fronting
creeping
Boy Meets World.

showah time

Why take Printmaking?

It's Friday night
And she's all alone.
He's a MILLION miles away!

So I'm dressed to kill in an apron, and I've been in Boliou (carleton's art building) for approx. 10 consecutive hours. And that's not even rounding up by more than 10 minutes. Here's what it looks like to let loose on Friday night:





Sooo fun.




SURPRISE!! TWIST ENDING!!! Because this is really and truly how I'd spend every weekend, no joke. And it doesn't really matter that I don't get a choice, it's still fun. Spending 5 hours prepping the stupid copper plate to do a mezzotint is actually super worth it because then you get THIS:!!!!



And yeah, maybe it would've taken me a lot less time to just draw the stupid chess piece with graphite or something a little less impossible than a copper plate. But get this .. I can print out this thing over and over again! Like, a hundred times! Or a thousand! Over and over again!! Nelly and Tim McGraw would have to write a whole new duet about it!!




OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Belated Freak-Out

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That's what it feels like to find out you made it into Carleton's hip hop supafly hoes and bros dance company. Also known as Whoa! (the exclamation mark is part of the group's name, AND expresses my excitement..)

Basically, being a member of this dance crew puts me on a name to name basis with Chris Brown and Jeremih.

Dear Blog,

It's been a while, here's what I have to say:

KJSDFKAJSDFLKJSDLKFJSALJDFLSDJFSLDJFLSDJFLSDKJFLDKJFLJLJALKJDlaksjflkjLJKALKFAJSDFKALDJFLASKDJFLASKJ
alkdjflaksjflakjsdf;j;lj;lkJLAKJLKJLjldkjflkjsdflkjlKJDLJKLJKDKJDS'LKJALDLDKJFLSKJDLSKJFLSKDJF'j'lKJ;AJ
;jsdlfkjaldjfslkjfljljlkkkkKASDLFJALFJLKDJFSAa;lskfa;lkflakjflkLKAJLDKJSKD;SFAJSLDKJFLSKDJFLDJLFKSJLDKJFLSKDJ

Now, I'll throw up for hours until callbacks are finished.

ttyl! xoxo