(or have loved)
John Mayer
Kellen Anderson
Nomar Garciaparra
Denzel Washington
Robin Williams
Usher
Colton Waters
Chris Fuchs
Tom Hanks
Justin Timberlake
Will Smith
Cute Sophomore Boy Who Draws An X Over His Eye
Adam Brody
Michael Jackson (may he rest in peace)
Jonathan Safran Foer
Pitbull/Daddy Yankee
Michael Crichton (may he rest in peace)
Aaron Kaufman
Ewan McGregor
Don Corleone
Teh Numbahz
Total: 20
Number of Men Omitted In order to have an easier Total for the dividing I'm about to do: 2
Number of Men Combined In order to have an easier Total for the diving I'm about to do: 2
(Pitbull and Daddy Yankee are kind of the same in my book)
Percentage of Men that are Incredibly Sexy: 40 %
Percentage of Men that are Black: 20% (including MJ, because it made the math easier)
Of those incredibly sexy dancers, percentage of Men that are Black: 60%
Percentage of Michaels that are dead: 100%
Percentage of Men that are incredible singers: 30%
Percentage of Men that melt my heart with their words: 15%
Percentage of Men that can do hilarious voice impressions: 5%
Percentage of Men that have dark brown/black hair: 80%
Percentage of Men that are incredible dancers: 15%
Of those incredible dancers, percentage of Men that are Black: 50% (MJ = 0.5 of a Black man, for easier math)
Conclusions:
1. Black men are sexy, incredible dancers.
2. All Michaels will inevitably die and break your heart into a million little pieces. ALL MICHAELS. It don't matter if they're black or white.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
People Who Never Had My Permission To Grow Up
but did it behind my back, anyways.
Lindsey Lohan: You really shouldn't be on this list because I can only care about one set famous twins, and the Olsens have held that slot since 1995, when I started watching Full House. And I KNOW that you claim to be one person, what with the alleged camera tricks in The Parent Trap. But you're not fooling me. You can't Royal Flush yourself in poker. You can't fence with yourself. You can't cut your own hair with your eyes closed while moaning about your hair in a "fake" British accent. You're hiding a twin, and it's that twin who has tanned herself into a booby (adj) carrot who spends her nights going clubbing with Madonna and getting arrested for driving drunk.
Lizzie McGuire: (less commonly known as Hillary Duff) No! You're dating a hockey player with no teeth? You had a threesome in Gossip Girl? You make jokes about not having gone to college with George Lopez on his talk show? George Lopez has a talkshow? No no no this is all wrong. You are supposed get married to Gordo and have hacky-sack-loving babies. You are supposed to continue wearing sequined jeans and butterfly clips. What's the point of ANYTHING if sequins and butterfly clips aren't cool anymore?
Mary-KateAndAshley Olsen: I'll never forget the day I saw half of you on the cover of People magazine for anorexia. I'll never forget it because, what the heck, why didn't Ashley have anorexia, too? Just because you are both a little taller and hotter than your detective super-sleuthing days doesn't mean that you can suddenly have separate lives. This completely shameless disregard for the principles of twindom shakes me at the core. When Mary-Kate dropped out of NYU, Ashley followed. When Ashley became CEO of Dualstar, so did Mary-Kate. There's no "I" in Olsen.
Dora The Explorer: It's understandable that after 9 years of Nick Jr. stardom, you might want to ditch the M-shaped hair, the tubby tummy and the talking backpack. And the velcro-strap shoes, because it doesn't matter how old you get, shoelaces will never be fun. But why would you want to be a tween? Why? You'll never be cool enough, not even with your matching purple headband/belt/leggings. All the other girls will start shaving before you, leaving you to wallow in hairy misery during P.E. School dances won't be that bad if you have a literal circle of friends to hang out with, but once Enrique Iglesias starts singing "Hero", you'll only have a few seconds to find some spiky-haired boy to slow dance with before you lose all desirability.
0:04 ( slow guitar) - everyone has recognized the slow song
0:08 ('Let me be your hero..') - circle of friends disperses, you scan the room for people on your buddy list
0:13 ('Would you dance..) - you start walking faster, people are already pairing off
0:16 ('..if I asked you to dance?..) - hey look! there's-wait they just got asked. Over there- dangit they just asked someone else. If I sprint across the room I could ask- crap they just got asked.
0:23 ('Would you run, and never look back?..) - you look around frantically for loners looking around frantically
0:29 ('Would you cry if you saw me crying?..)- oh Lord, even Doug Lee is dancing with someone already
0:35 ('..or would you save my soul tonight?) - whatever, you've really had to pee anyways. There's nothing wrong with staying in the bathroom for the next 3 minutes and 46 seconds.
Lindsey Lohan: You really shouldn't be on this list because I can only care about one set famous twins, and the Olsens have held that slot since 1995, when I started watching Full House. And I KNOW that you claim to be one person, what with the alleged camera tricks in The Parent Trap. But you're not fooling me. You can't Royal Flush yourself in poker. You can't fence with yourself. You can't cut your own hair with your eyes closed while moaning about your hair in a "fake" British accent. You're hiding a twin, and it's that twin who has tanned herself into a booby (adj) carrot who spends her nights going clubbing with Madonna and getting arrested for driving drunk.
Lizzie McGuire: (less commonly known as Hillary Duff) No! You're dating a hockey player with no teeth? You had a threesome in Gossip Girl? You make jokes about not having gone to college with George Lopez on his talk show? George Lopez has a talkshow? No no no this is all wrong. You are supposed get married to Gordo and have hacky-sack-loving babies. You are supposed to continue wearing sequined jeans and butterfly clips. What's the point of ANYTHING if sequins and butterfly clips aren't cool anymore?
Mary-KateAndAshley Olsen: I'll never forget the day I saw half of you on the cover of People magazine for anorexia. I'll never forget it because, what the heck, why didn't Ashley have anorexia, too? Just because you are both a little taller and hotter than your detective super-sleuthing days doesn't mean that you can suddenly have separate lives. This completely shameless disregard for the principles of twindom shakes me at the core. When Mary-Kate dropped out of NYU, Ashley followed. When Ashley became CEO of Dualstar, so did Mary-Kate. There's no "I" in Olsen.
Dora The Explorer: It's understandable that after 9 years of Nick Jr. stardom, you might want to ditch the M-shaped hair, the tubby tummy and the talking backpack. And the velcro-strap shoes, because it doesn't matter how old you get, shoelaces will never be fun. But why would you want to be a tween? Why? You'll never be cool enough, not even with your matching purple headband/belt/leggings. All the other girls will start shaving before you, leaving you to wallow in hairy misery during P.E. School dances won't be that bad if you have a literal circle of friends to hang out with, but once Enrique Iglesias starts singing "Hero", you'll only have a few seconds to find some spiky-haired boy to slow dance with before you lose all desirability.
0:04 ( slow guitar) - everyone has recognized the slow song
0:08 ('Let me be your hero..') - circle of friends disperses, you scan the room for people on your buddy list
0:13 ('Would you dance..) - you start walking faster, people are already pairing off
0:16 ('..if I asked you to dance?..) - hey look! there's-wait they just got asked. Over there- dangit they just asked someone else. If I sprint across the room I could ask- crap they just got asked.
0:23 ('Would you run, and never look back?..) - you look around frantically for loners looking around frantically
0:29 ('Would you cry if you saw me crying?..)- oh Lord, even Doug Lee is dancing with someone already
0:35 ('..or would you save my soul tonight?) - whatever, you've really had to pee anyways. There's nothing wrong with staying in the bathroom for the next 3 minutes and 46 seconds.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I'm s!ck.
See, the artist formerly known as Pink isn't the only one who can make punctuation part of the alphabet! All it takes is a little wah-I'm-not-Britney-because-I-have-a-dykey-haircut-and-a-man-voice angst. Which I don't have. I have a sore throat and the irresistable urge to loop my Britney playlist.
An In Depth Comparative Analysis of Britney Spears vs P!nk (Pink) songs
1.
a) Don't Let Me Get Me : Pink is a failure who hates herself.
b) Lucky : Britney's alter ego constantly fakes happiness and perfection for the sake of her adoring fans, but on the inside she's a victim of fame who cry cry cries in her lonely heart.
Winner: Um, I'm pretty sure that I'd secretly cry in the car (JUST LIKE BRITNEY) every time Lucky came on Radio Disney. It's heartwarming, heartbreaking, and catchy, aka it's wonderful.
2.
a) Family Portrait : Wahwah dysfuntional family. A kid's chorus? "Your pain is painful"? This is the radio, not a Lifetime movie, P!nk.
b) Toxic : Whooooa wait wait, can Britney get any edgier? I can't even tell what she says in this song because it sounds like a bunch of squeaky dolphin sounds, but it's got to be good because she's wearing a glitter suit in the music video.
Winner: Dolpin squeaks aside, I think it's clear where Stephanie Meyer got her inspiration for sparkly vampire skin. Which should automatically make P!nk the winner this one, but the fact that Karen Kennedy, Mormonest Mormon on the face of the earth, had Toxic as her ringtone makes Britney the winner.
3.
a) Who Knew : It took me approx. 1.5 years to realize that this was, in fact, P!nk, and not Kelly Clarkson. The violins in the background made it really easy to believe so.
b) Hit Me, Baby (One More Time) : This song was revolutionary because Britney made lame things super-sexy. Eraser pencil tops? Sexy. Pigtails? Sexy. P.E.? Sexxxxxxxy.
Winner: Well, Kelly doesn't actully sing Who Knew, and even if she did, Kelly can't do a back handspring while singing "Oh pretty baby there's nothing that I wouldn't do." BRITNEY IT IS!
In conclusion, Paulina Lopez will have good days and sore throat days, but no matter what, Britney Spears will always be there for her, in sickness or in health. Even if she doesn't show up on the Facebook Music Info.
P.S. OHMYGOSH!!!
An In Depth Comparative Analysis of Britney Spears vs P!nk (Pink) songs
1.
a) Don't Let Me Get Me : Pink is a failure who hates herself.
b) Lucky : Britney's alter ego constantly fakes happiness and perfection for the sake of her adoring fans, but on the inside she's a victim of fame who cry cry cries in her lonely heart.
Winner: Um, I'm pretty sure that I'd secretly cry in the car (JUST LIKE BRITNEY) every time Lucky came on Radio Disney. It's heartwarming, heartbreaking, and catchy, aka it's wonderful.
2.
a) Family Portrait : Wahwah dysfuntional family. A kid's chorus? "Your pain is painful"? This is the radio, not a Lifetime movie, P!nk.
b) Toxic : Whooooa wait wait, can Britney get any edgier? I can't even tell what she says in this song because it sounds like a bunch of squeaky dolphin sounds, but it's got to be good because she's wearing a glitter suit in the music video.
Winner: Dolpin squeaks aside, I think it's clear where Stephanie Meyer got her inspiration for sparkly vampire skin. Which should automatically make P!nk the winner this one, but the fact that Karen Kennedy, Mormonest Mormon on the face of the earth, had Toxic as her ringtone makes Britney the winner.
3.
a) Who Knew : It took me approx. 1.5 years to realize that this was, in fact, P!nk, and not Kelly Clarkson. The violins in the background made it really easy to believe so.
b) Hit Me, Baby (One More Time) : This song was revolutionary because Britney made lame things super-sexy. Eraser pencil tops? Sexy. Pigtails? Sexy. P.E.? Sexxxxxxxy.
Winner: Well, Kelly doesn't actully sing Who Knew, and even if she did, Kelly can't do a back handspring while singing "Oh pretty baby there's nothing that I wouldn't do." BRITNEY IT IS!
In conclusion, Paulina Lopez will have good days and sore throat days, but no matter what, Britney Spears will always be there for her, in sickness or in health. Even if she doesn't show up on the Facebook Music Info.
P.S. OHMYGOSH!!!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
My Kid Could Paint That, Too
(as in "two".. hahahahahaha get it?)
Last week, I could've picked between studying for finals or watching My Kid Could Paint That. A High Five Fantastic Time's reaction to Bar-Lev's 2007 doc (though it was mostly a reaction to the reactions from the art majors in her class) had gotten me pretty curious.. Needless to say, I know very little about the French conditional and future perfect tenses, as will undoubtedly show up on my final grade.
It's been a few days since I watched the film, so some of the initial excitement/anger/ frustration provoked by the doc has died down a little bit. But the fact that something other than Glee could have provoked such an explosion of emotion is enough to prove that watching that film was soooooo worth watching my chances at an A in FREN103 poof into oblivion.
My Kid Could Paint That
1. Marla vs Dad. In Courtney's blog, she writes that the film proves that 4-year old Marla was responsible for her paintings. Although the doc includes footage of Marla completing a painting on her own, this footage is used to show how unlikely it is that Marla is the sole artist of her work. Bar-Lev compares the painting Marla completed in front of a camera to those that were previously exhibited in galleries and sold for thousands of dollars, and the message is pretty clear; the former looks nothing like the others in the collection in terms of composition, in terms of color palette, in terms of how the brush was used, in terms of overall aesthetics. By the time the documentary gets to this footage of Marla's 100% pure handiwork, Bar-Lev isn't redeeming the Olmstead's stained reputation by proving that Marla is "the real artist". He's materializing his doubts about the family's honesty and gouging your eyes with them. He also documents the doubts expressed by once-loyal Marla art collectors, who swear over their Hummer and all their grandkids' trust funds that "Ocean" (the redeeming footage painting) looks like it's done by a completely different artist than the one who made "Ode to Pollock" and "Asian Sunrise".
The point is, My Kid doesn't at all prove who was responsible for the all of famous Marla paintings. It proves that when placed in front of a camera and told to act natural, Marla painted "Ocean" without anyone's help. It showed how eager she was to finish the painting and go to some room not filled with documentary equipment, probably to finish a puzzle or make fun of her younger brother (who has these artsy SHENANIGANS* to blame for his inferiority complex). It showed that "Ocean", the only painting we knew to be 100% Marla's handiwork, could be interpreted as being completely different than any of her other paintings.
2. Doc about a Doc. Whether the Marla Vs. Dad question is answered isn't ever the point of the documentary, because Bar-Lev's film is a documentary about documentaries. Half an hour into the film, there's a creepy confessions session during Bar-Lev's car ride back home where he basically spills that:
- He doesn't know whether to believe that Marla's work is genuine anymore
- He wants to believe her family because they've been so nice and whatnot
- Is it bad to pretend he believes them to their faces in order to remain on good terms and finish his film?
-??????????//?/
The story develops around the notion that no one can measure anything without altering the results (PHYSICS FOR POETS**), and that any story is only a compilation of true/false. Should we expect anyone to perform 100% normally in front of a camera, let alone a 4-year-old? Etc.
3. moving on. Going back to a comment from Courtney's post: "[The people in Courtney's class] argued that because the girl was a 4 year old that it wasn't real art and that she shouldn't be selling paintings for thousands of dollars. It mocks what real artists try to achieve and struggle with."
The comment addresses some major points: a. what constitutes Real Art, b. the ethics of art marketing,
b. It's completely reasonable to be outraged by the fact that Marla recieved the recognition she did, because the fact is that all the recognition didn't have as much to do with the quality of the paintings as it did with the fact that she was four years old. If Marla had finished those same paintings when she was 23, she would probably be living off Ramen in a bathroomless studio. And I have the right to be outraged about that because there's no way I can justify that Marla's talent at 4 years old consitutes her as a modern art prodigy. Even when comparing "Ocean" to her "more polished works", the canvases generally look like accidents, some more aesthetically pleasing than others. This ties us back to point a.
a. Another interpretation of My Kid: It isn't just the marketing of oblivious 4-year olds that mocks what 'real artists' try to achieve, but the fact that work done by oblivious 4-year-olds could even pass as art. Because a piece like "Ocean" looks like it could've been done by an oblivious 4-year-old, or a Modern Art major, or a homeless war vet, or a hamster on steroids, or a blender. I'm not yet at a point in my career as an ObsDraw graduate where I can appreciate something like "Ode to Pollock" or Andy Warhol's soup cans as much as I can appreciate Degas' dancers. I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I was charged $12 to see Penis Hat at the New York Museum of Modern Art. Is it wrong to be bitter about this? Penis Hat looks like it was inspired and completed by a drunk Jace Rustan. Who cares. It's 2:33 am and I can't fall asleep and I'm bitter. Suck it, 21st century Modern Art. Oh gosh that ties back to Penis Hat, and I'm so mad/tired I'm not even going to hit the backspace key. 12 effing dollars.
Last week, I could've picked between studying for finals or watching My Kid Could Paint That. A High Five Fantastic Time's reaction to Bar-Lev's 2007 doc (though it was mostly a reaction to the reactions from the art majors in her class) had gotten me pretty curious.. Needless to say, I know very little about the French conditional and future perfect tenses, as will undoubtedly show up on my final grade.
It's been a few days since I watched the film, so some of the initial excitement/anger/ frustration provoked by the doc has died down a little bit. But the fact that something other than Glee could have provoked such an explosion of emotion is enough to prove that watching that film was soooooo worth watching my chances at an A in FREN103 poof into oblivion.
My Kid Could Paint That
1. Marla vs Dad. In Courtney's blog, she writes that the film proves that 4-year old Marla was responsible for her paintings. Although the doc includes footage of Marla completing a painting on her own, this footage is used to show how unlikely it is that Marla is the sole artist of her work. Bar-Lev compares the painting Marla completed in front of a camera to those that were previously exhibited in galleries and sold for thousands of dollars, and the message is pretty clear; the former looks nothing like the others in the collection in terms of composition, in terms of color palette, in terms of how the brush was used, in terms of overall aesthetics. By the time the documentary gets to this footage of Marla's 100% pure handiwork, Bar-Lev isn't redeeming the Olmstead's stained reputation by proving that Marla is "the real artist". He's materializing his doubts about the family's honesty and gouging your eyes with them. He also documents the doubts expressed by once-loyal Marla art collectors, who swear over their Hummer and all their grandkids' trust funds that "Ocean" (the redeeming footage painting) looks like it's done by a completely different artist than the one who made "Ode to Pollock" and "Asian Sunrise".
The point is, My Kid doesn't at all prove who was responsible for the all of famous Marla paintings. It proves that when placed in front of a camera and told to act natural, Marla painted "Ocean" without anyone's help. It showed how eager she was to finish the painting and go to some room not filled with documentary equipment, probably to finish a puzzle or make fun of her younger brother (who has these artsy SHENANIGANS* to blame for his inferiority complex). It showed that "Ocean", the only painting we knew to be 100% Marla's handiwork, could be interpreted as being completely different than any of her other paintings.
2. Doc about a Doc. Whether the Marla Vs. Dad question is answered isn't ever the point of the documentary, because Bar-Lev's film is a documentary about documentaries. Half an hour into the film, there's a creepy confessions session during Bar-Lev's car ride back home where he basically spills that:
- He doesn't know whether to believe that Marla's work is genuine anymore
- He wants to believe her family because they've been so nice and whatnot
- Is it bad to pretend he believes them to their faces in order to remain on good terms and finish his film?
-??????????//?/
The story develops around the notion that no one can measure anything without altering the results (PHYSICS FOR POETS**), and that any story is only a compilation of true/false. Should we expect anyone to perform 100% normally in front of a camera, let alone a 4-year-old? Etc.
3. moving on. Going back to a comment from Courtney's post: "[The people in Courtney's class] argued that because the girl was a 4 year old that it wasn't real art and that she shouldn't be selling paintings for thousands of dollars. It mocks what real artists try to achieve and struggle with."
The comment addresses some major points: a. what constitutes Real Art, b. the ethics of art marketing,
b. It's completely reasonable to be outraged by the fact that Marla recieved the recognition she did, because the fact is that all the recognition didn't have as much to do with the quality of the paintings as it did with the fact that she was four years old. If Marla had finished those same paintings when she was 23, she would probably be living off Ramen in a bathroomless studio. And I have the right to be outraged about that because there's no way I can justify that Marla's talent at 4 years old consitutes her as a modern art prodigy. Even when comparing "Ocean" to her "more polished works", the canvases generally look like accidents, some more aesthetically pleasing than others. This ties us back to point a.
a. Another interpretation of My Kid: It isn't just the marketing of oblivious 4-year olds that mocks what 'real artists' try to achieve, but the fact that work done by oblivious 4-year-olds could even pass as art. Because a piece like "Ocean" looks like it could've been done by an oblivious 4-year-old, or a Modern Art major, or a homeless war vet, or a hamster on steroids, or a blender. I'm not yet at a point in my career as an ObsDraw graduate where I can appreciate something like "Ode to Pollock" or Andy Warhol's soup cans as much as I can appreciate Degas' dancers. I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I was charged $12 to see Penis Hat at the New York Museum of Modern Art. Is it wrong to be bitter about this? Penis Hat looks like it was inspired and completed by a drunk Jace Rustan. Who cares. It's 2:33 am and I can't fall asleep and I'm bitter. Suck it, 21st century Modern Art. Oh gosh that ties back to Penis Hat, and I'm so mad/tired I'm not even going to hit the backspace key. 12 effing dollars.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Life Is Beautiful.
!!!!!!!
I know I'm the fifty-billionth person to put this on their blog..
but honestly, just look at it.
Um, this is from a mommyblog. Which pretty much guarantees that those are 100% legit babies raised in good old Christian homes. But anyway, toddler kisses happen in real life, which is kind of lovely.
Someone at Carleton (he's tall and kind of a redhead) re-designs bikes in impossible ways. Among others is this Steering Wheel bike and an 8th foot tall bike. THAT HE ACTUALLY USES. !!!
Can you tell it's 10th week? Because I can.
I know I'm the fifty-billionth person to put this on their blog..
but honestly, just look at it.
Um, this is from a mommyblog. Which pretty much guarantees that those are 100% legit babies raised in good old Christian homes. But anyway, toddler kisses happen in real life, which is kind of lovely.
Someone at Carleton (he's tall and kind of a redhead) re-designs bikes in impossible ways. Among others is this Steering Wheel bike and an 8th foot tall bike. THAT HE ACTUALLY USES. !!!
Can you tell it's 10th week? Because I can.
Monday, November 9, 2009
I ain't thinking bout my grades, a'ite?
If things don't fall apart, here's how the rest of this day will go:
4:15 - Semaphore tech run-through, where Paulina will spend 2 hours admiring Carleton's modern dancers and 90 seconds personifying Robin Viele's broken soul to Party in the USA.
6:00 - Obs.Draw final, where Paulina will complete 1.75 of the required 20 hours for her bomb-diggety tone study of a window. Which isn't super-overwhelming or anything, mainly because they will be 1.75 hours of looping Destiny's Child's all-time greatest album, The Writing's on the Wall.
7:45 - DINNER, where Paulina will discreetly meet with her not-so-secret lover: all-you-can-eat-cereal. and bottomless pink lemonade.
8:30 - more Obs.Draw final accompanied by Jumpin'Jumpin'.
9:30 - Registration, where Paulina will decide her fate for winter term. The formula for maximum winter term happiness includes: ARTS 277 - (Paper Arts), ENGL 110 (Intro English lit), PE 200 (Modern Dance II), and PHIL 234 (Aesthetics). Note that it does NOT include:
Photography 1, because I'm into poser photography and instant gratification.
French 204, car j'en ai effing MARRE.
Piano, because apparently it isn't a scrunch class.. ha.
So the point of this post can be summed up with the following question:
What is the best strategy to survive the next two weeks at Carleton without throwing myself off the chapel roof?
a) Look all your finals in the eye with a wholesome, positive attitude and envision yourself squeezing out every ounce of potential into the tin bucket that will soon be full to the brim with SUCCESS.
b) Call your boys, cause tonight you're not gon' stay at home
c) Get your hair cut, and your car washed too, looking like a star in your Armani suit
d)Ladies: leave yo men at home, the club is full of ballaz and their pockets full grown.
e)Fellas: leave yo girl with her friends, cause it's 9th week and the club is
JUMPIN
JUMPIN
f) Bounce, baby bounce, b-bounce, b-bounce
g) You'd better dip that thaaaang, dip that thaaaaang.
4:15 - Semaphore tech run-through, where Paulina will spend 2 hours admiring Carleton's modern dancers and 90 seconds personifying Robin Viele's broken soul to Party in the USA.
6:00 - Obs.Draw final, where Paulina will complete 1.75 of the required 20 hours for her bomb-diggety tone study of a window. Which isn't super-overwhelming or anything, mainly because they will be 1.75 hours of looping Destiny's Child's all-time greatest album, The Writing's on the Wall.
7:45 - DINNER, where Paulina will discreetly meet with her not-so-secret lover: all-you-can-eat-cereal. and bottomless pink lemonade.
8:30 - more Obs.Draw final accompanied by Jumpin'Jumpin'.
9:30 - Registration, where Paulina will decide her fate for winter term. The formula for maximum winter term happiness includes: ARTS 277 - (Paper Arts), ENGL 110 (Intro English lit), PE 200 (Modern Dance II), and PHIL 234 (Aesthetics). Note that it does NOT include:
Photography 1, because I'm into poser photography and instant gratification.
French 204, car j'en ai effing MARRE.
Piano, because apparently it isn't a scrunch class.. ha.
So the point of this post can be summed up with the following question:
What is the best strategy to survive the next two weeks at Carleton without throwing myself off the chapel roof?
a) Look all your finals in the eye with a wholesome, positive attitude and envision yourself squeezing out every ounce of potential into the tin bucket that will soon be full to the brim with SUCCESS.
b) Call your boys, cause tonight you're not gon' stay at home
c) Get your hair cut, and your car washed too, looking like a star in your Armani suit
d)Ladies: leave yo men at home, the club is full of ballaz and their pockets full grown.
e)Fellas: leave yo girl with her friends, cause it's 9th week and the club is
JUMPIN
JUMPIN
f) Bounce, baby bounce, b-bounce, b-bounce
g) You'd better dip that thaaaang, dip that thaaaaang.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Que du bonheur!
It's Friday and I refuse to be unhappy, even if half the campus wants to wipe their butt with the Carl Horoscopes for all the stupid alliterations that someone (Blanky Blanky) decided to add. Unless your name is Shel Silverstein or Eminem, thinking that alliterations will make your sentence sound better is like puking on your hot dog to give it extra flavor.
GUESS WHAT? LIFE IS ROCKING RIGHT NOW.
1. Inching my way to the top of the Carleton College Publications Pyramid is going better than expected. I even skipped a whole level (The Carletonian). It's like skipping a grade but it's more rewarding and no one plays Monkey in the Middle with your lunchbox during recess. Writing/editing/fighting with (Blanky Blanky) about the Carl Horoscopes isn't a bad way to be part of the elite few who get to call themselves editors of this school's most respected (read:recycled) paper. Brag! Brag! Editor! Brag! Carl! Brag! Trelawney Protegee! Brag!
2. Courtney Bertchinger: Like any good friend, I was reading your Facebook info and I noticed that one of your listed Favorite Movies happens to be one that I love with most of my body and all of my soul and that has since served as my personal definition of "beautiful". Thanks for reminding me of my definition of "beautiful".
3. Ernesto LLano: Like any good friend, you were creeping on my Firefox tabs and noticed that I was having trouble coping with the possibility that I might never again watch Portraits Chinois. Thanks for making me extremely happy. Next time we watch it together, maybe you won't fall asleep half an hour into it.
4. I am trying very hard not to write this all in caps but holy crap Ebony is tomorrow and I am so excited you wouldn't even believe it a a a a a a a h h h h h h hh hhh!
5.ça fait longtemps, and it’s lovely to have this as part of my life again. I love the internet.
GUESS WHAT? LIFE IS ROCKING RIGHT NOW.
1. Inching my way to the top of the Carleton College Publications Pyramid is going better than expected. I even skipped a whole level (The Carletonian). It's like skipping a grade but it's more rewarding and no one plays Monkey in the Middle with your lunchbox during recess. Writing/editing/fighting with (Blanky Blanky) about the Carl Horoscopes isn't a bad way to be part of the elite few who get to call themselves editors of this school's most respected (read:recycled) paper. Brag! Brag! Editor! Brag! Carl! Brag! Trelawney Protegee! Brag!
2. Courtney Bertchinger: Like any good friend, I was reading your Facebook info and I noticed that one of your listed Favorite Movies happens to be one that I love with most of my body and all of my soul and that has since served as my personal definition of "beautiful". Thanks for reminding me of my definition of "beautiful".
3. Ernesto LLano: Like any good friend, you were creeping on my Firefox tabs and noticed that I was having trouble coping with the possibility that I might never again watch Portraits Chinois. Thanks for making me extremely happy. Next time we watch it together, maybe you won't fall asleep half an hour into it.
4. I am trying very hard not to write this all in caps but holy crap Ebony is tomorrow and I am so excited you wouldn't even believe it a a a a a a a h h h h h h hh hhh!
5.ça fait longtemps, and it’s lovely to have this as part of my life again. I love the internet.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Review of Everything
(because I can't love too much one part of it)
The Carletonian: Like Old Faithful, you never fail to be the most advertised AND most boring attraction on campus. Except for 4th week's issue, where the open letters to/from SaGa were more entertaining and passionate than anything in the Carl. Thank you. Please go back to being bland.
Benjamin Parks: Thanks for the migraine-inducing Clap article. Or whatever that was.
Fall: Your one night stand has broken thousands of hearts across the midwest. I hope you're making potato chips out of leaves somewhere far away where you'll be underappreciated until you cry the way my heart did when I saw snow outside my window.
Bob Dylan: Thanks, but no thanks.
Rubber Eraser: WHERE ARE YOU?? THE OBS.DRAW MIDTERM IS ON WEDNESDAY LSDKJLSKJDKLSJFLSDKJ I don't want to spend another 2$
The Carletonian: Like Old Faithful, you never fail to be the most advertised AND most boring attraction on campus. Except for 4th week's issue, where the open letters to/from SaGa were more entertaining and passionate than anything in the Carl. Thank you. Please go back to being bland.
Benjamin Parks: Thanks for the migraine-inducing Clap article. Or whatever that was.
Fall: Your one night stand has broken thousands of hearts across the midwest. I hope you're making potato chips out of leaves somewhere far away where you'll be underappreciated until you cry the way my heart did when I saw snow outside my window.
Bob Dylan: Thanks, but no thanks.
Rubber Eraser: WHERE ARE YOU?? THE OBS.DRAW MIDTERM IS ON WEDNESDAY LSDKJLSKJDKLSJFLSDKJ I don't want to spend another 2$
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Hey, dirtay,
baby I got churr money!
Top 5 Things I Shouldn't Enjoy As Much As I Do
1. The way Max Beamis sounds when he screams "balls in his mouth"
2. Max Beamis obscenities in general.
3. "nigga", but not in a KKK "there'll be a hangin tonight!" way, but in a "Will Smith knows how to make graffiti look really worthwhile when he kicks it with his ____s." It's not a big deal. I have a black friend.
*related note: the abovementioned word is the only thing that Beamis ever censors in the Got Your Money cover. s'funny!
4. So.. myyyy name is Boxxy..
5. The Mario Kart Rap. I don't even play Mario Kart. But I lie and say I do, so I watch youtube raps about it to compensate.
6. 3:04 - 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
7. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
8. 3:04 - 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
9. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
10. 3:04 - 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
11. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
Top 5 Things I Shouldn't Enjoy As Much As I Do
1. The way Max Beamis sounds when he screams "balls in his mouth"
2. Max Beamis obscenities in general.
3. "nigga", but not in a KKK "there'll be a hangin tonight!" way, but in a "Will Smith knows how to make graffiti look really worthwhile when he kicks it with his ____s." It's not a big deal. I have a black friend.
*related note: the abovementioned word is the only thing that Beamis ever censors in the Got Your Money cover. s'funny!
4. So.. myyyy name is Boxxy..
5. The Mario Kart Rap. I don't even play Mario Kart. But I lie and say I do, so I watch youtube raps about it to compensate.
6. 3:04 - 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
7. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
8. 3:04 - 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
9. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
10. 3:04 - 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
11. 3:04- 4:00 of Alive With The Glory of Love
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Your Major Sucks
Religion
Unless you're one of the twelve chaplain's associates on campus, you came to Carleton College because you're an open-minded atheist who fills in the 'religion' slot on Facebook with "LOLZ". Quit beating around the bush and let's say what we mean: you're majoring in Southeast Asian Bits of Wisdom That Are Easy to Quote and Don't Conflict with Laws of Physics.
Asian Studies
The rest of campus is well aware that the common ChristoJudeoIslamicisms aren't trendy enough for your Yogalates/Herb-infused lifestyle, and actually, everyone secretly wishes they could be as exotic as you in every aspect of their lives. But instead of wallpapering our dorms with mystic waterfall posters or handpainted calendars outlined in Confucianisms, we celebrate our Asian mystique by watching anime.
Environmental Studies
Here's what happened: someone got you to watch An Inconvenient Truth and Planet Earth. You fell in love with saving the precious world we live in. You took Intro Bio and realized you suck at science. You suck at labs. You suck at the facts. But you LOVE THE NATURAL WORLD WITH ALL YOUR BEING and nothing is going to stop you from patching up the ozone layer and building schools out of recycled Lipton bottles! Nothing.
French
Ever since you got back from the Paris study-abroad program, you realized several things. 1. Smoking isn't stupid if you're foreign. 2. Making snotty remarks about American fashion and the way no one make coffee the right way can be more than a hobby.. it can be the focus of your liberal arts education!
History
Kurt Meister.
Unless you're one of the twelve chaplain's associates on campus, you came to Carleton College because you're an open-minded atheist who fills in the 'religion' slot on Facebook with "LOLZ". Quit beating around the bush and let's say what we mean: you're majoring in Southeast Asian Bits of Wisdom That Are Easy to Quote and Don't Conflict with Laws of Physics.
Asian Studies
The rest of campus is well aware that the common ChristoJudeoIslamicisms aren't trendy enough for your Yogalates/Herb-infused lifestyle, and actually, everyone secretly wishes they could be as exotic as you in every aspect of their lives. But instead of wallpapering our dorms with mystic waterfall posters or handpainted calendars outlined in Confucianisms, we celebrate our Asian mystique by watching anime.
Environmental Studies
Here's what happened: someone got you to watch An Inconvenient Truth and Planet Earth. You fell in love with saving the precious world we live in. You took Intro Bio and realized you suck at science. You suck at labs. You suck at the facts. But you LOVE THE NATURAL WORLD WITH ALL YOUR BEING and nothing is going to stop you from patching up the ozone layer and building schools out of recycled Lipton bottles! Nothing.
French
Ever since you got back from the Paris study-abroad program, you realized several things. 1. Smoking isn't stupid if you're foreign. 2. Making snotty remarks about American fashion and the way no one make coffee the right way can be more than a hobby.. it can be the focus of your liberal arts education!
History
Kurt Meister.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
August Manifesto
This Is Currently Who I Am In Terms Of
music. Party In the USA, Bruises, Mas Que Nada, Wake Up Call, Tire Swing
movies. The Godfather, Juno, Little Miss Sunshine
books. The Godfather, Jurassic Park, The Outsiders
people I hate. everyone who didn't get this memo
people I want to be.
music. Party In the USA, Bruises, Mas Que Nada, Wake Up Call, Tire Swing
movies. The Godfather, Juno, Little Miss Sunshine
books. The Godfather, Jurassic Park, The Outsiders
people I hate. everyone who didn't get this memo
people I want to be.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Hi, I Go To Carleton
Activites: playing frisbee, calling frisbees "discs", substituting the word "awkward" with "quirky", being quirky, bragging about being quirky, saving the planet, getting naked, putting up ten million flyers all around campus about how sustainability and being GREEN is the new Jesus, putting annoying "I can't even tell that I'm being funny, that's how effing down-to-earth and quirky I am" ads on the NSB, eating granola, drinking my weight in tea
Interests: humanitarian efforts that reach out to far, far away dirty-looking countries filled with orphans and lice, Macbooks, half-soy-half-skim white mochas, politics, rainbow rights, recycling, exotic Eastern religions, sushi, awkward poster art, awkward/quirky poster art, China, floor life
Music: Timbaland's Apologize, Celtic stuff, stupid weird (QUIRKY!) crap you've never heard of, which makes it even cooler
Movies: It's cool to ditch movies halfway through to look for Schiller, UNLESS I'm watching The Dark Knight. hands off, quirkoids.
CARLETON COLLEGE, YOU ARE SO MINDBLOWINGLY ANNOYING AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HATE YOU IN PERSON IN ONLY 19 DAYS!! :) :) :) !!
And September 25th, my heart belongs to you. This is serious though.
Interests: humanitarian efforts that reach out to far, far away dirty-looking countries filled with orphans and lice, Macbooks, half-soy-half-skim white mochas, politics, rainbow rights, recycling, exotic Eastern religions, sushi, awkward poster art, awkward/quirky poster art, China, floor life
Music: Timbaland's Apologize, Celtic stuff, stupid weird (QUIRKY!) crap you've never heard of, which makes it even cooler
Movies: It's cool to ditch movies halfway through to look for Schiller, UNLESS I'm watching The Dark Knight. hands off, quirkoids.
CARLETON COLLEGE, YOU ARE SO MINDBLOWINGLY ANNOYING AND I CAN'T WAIT TO HATE YOU IN PERSON IN ONLY 19 DAYS!! :) :) :) !!
And September 25th, my heart belongs to you. This is serious though.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Things I Care About More Than World Peace
- My SYTYCD video on youtube is STILL BUFFERING. aklsjfdlksjdf ahhhhhhh hurry up.
- SYTYCD
- Youtube accessibility and speed.
- Youtube/MP3 convertors
- October 22nd
- George Michael and Maybe aren't really cousins..
- Going back to Kahlton
- Getting my scriptures back
- Dilbert
- The king of pop, and whether he was white or black. But really. It matters.
- How much I love dancing to Rihanna
- How much I love dancing to Justin Timberlake
- How much I laugh when I watch FOTC
- Deciding whether I wish Bansky would get caught or not
- Watching samba
- Instructables
- DIY projects that get abandoned halfway through
- the five stuffed animals on my bed
- Gymnastics on the Olympics
- The song order on any Jarabe de Palo playlist
- symmetry
- breakfast food
- the fact that Goodwill is no longer two blocks from my house
- getting asked to dance
- "ven y sana my doloooooooor"
- stealing Duck Bus posters
- The Clap
- Michael Crichton's education
- SYTYCD
- Youtube accessibility and speed.
- Youtube/MP3 convertors
- October 22nd
- George Michael and Maybe aren't really cousins..
- Going back to Kahlton
- Getting my scriptures back
- Dilbert
- The king of pop, and whether he was white or black. But really. It matters.
- How much I love dancing to Rihanna
- How much I love dancing to Justin Timberlake
- How much I laugh when I watch FOTC
- Deciding whether I wish Bansky would get caught or not
- Watching samba
- Instructables
- DIY projects that get abandoned halfway through
- the five stuffed animals on my bed
- Gymnastics on the Olympics
- The song order on any Jarabe de Palo playlist
- symmetry
- breakfast food
- the fact that Goodwill is no longer two blocks from my house
- getting asked to dance
- "ven y sana my doloooooooor"
- stealing Duck Bus posters
- The Clap
- Michael Crichton's education
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
My New Favorite Thing To Squeeze
Pros:
- Compact size
- Memory Foam bones
- Can fold his tongue into a taco
Cons:
- lives 1474 miles away
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
How to Go to New York for Free
Read:
Listen to:
- The Hours (worth it)
- A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (not worth it)
- The Princess Diaries (worth it )
- From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler (so worth it)
- The Great Gatsby (worth it)
- Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (extra worth it)
- The Cather in the Rye (not worth it)
- The School Story (so worth it)
- The Stand (worth it)
- The Devil Wears Prada
- Ghostbusters
- Along Came Polly
- You've Got Mail
- When Harry Met Sally
- A Troll in Central Park
- Annie
- We're Back
- August Rush
- Big Daddy
- Elf
- Three Men and a Baby
- Home Alone 2
- James and the Giant Peach
- Men in Black
- West Side Story
- King Kong
- Tootsie
Listen to:
- Breakfast At Tiffany's
- Crazy for this Girl
- Maria, Maria
- Spin Me Round (like a record)
- No Hay Marcha en Nueva York
- Killer Queen
- Lovestoned
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
This Could Be A Bad Thing
You: I should be a little more afraid of you than I feel right now. Somehow, you've made my calendar evaporate into thin air, and now I've got two weeks staring me in the face with an axe in hand, saying "HEEEEERE'S JOHNNY". How do I tell my body to start freaking out a little more?
You: are what I care about the very least right now. Stop getting in the way.
You: It feels like we've gotten to a truce, sort of. You're alright, in doses. You're overpriced and annoying, but most connecting flights are. It sucks having to wander around for two hours, browsing through the airport stores for watches and t-shirts and massage pillows that you'll never buy - but eventually, it takes you to where you want to go, with who you want to be. That's your merit. Whether the in-between waiting time is 2 trimesters or another year or all four depends on a whole other list of things, and that isn't really your fault. I guess.
You: Still not so sure about what I want to say to you. Mostly, I want to list off a bunch of church/fire puns to get rid the knot in my stomach (Stake Conference burned them out. The Spirit of God like a fire was burning. and so on). It's a weird feeling, like going up the stairs and taking another step when you've already gone all the way up. Your foot comes flying down through empty space and comes to a stop before you were ready. It isn't immediate tragedy, it's more like an uncomfortable disorientation. Where's the floor? Where's my foot? Where's my chapel?
You: are what I care about the very least right now. Stop getting in the way.
You: It feels like we've gotten to a truce, sort of. You're alright, in doses. You're overpriced and annoying, but most connecting flights are. It sucks having to wander around for two hours, browsing through the airport stores for watches and t-shirts and massage pillows that you'll never buy - but eventually, it takes you to where you want to go, with who you want to be. That's your merit. Whether the in-between waiting time is 2 trimesters or another year or all four depends on a whole other list of things, and that isn't really your fault. I guess.
You: Still not so sure about what I want to say to you. Mostly, I want to list off a bunch of church/fire puns to get rid the knot in my stomach (Stake Conference burned them out. The Spirit of God like a fire was burning. and so on). It's a weird feeling, like going up the stairs and taking another step when you've already gone all the way up. Your foot comes flying down through empty space and comes to a stop before you were ready. It isn't immediate tragedy, it's more like an uncomfortable disorientation. Where's the floor? Where's my foot? Where's my chapel?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
You're Killing Me, Brandon
It's spring and my spikes are hanging from a doorknob.
How to be addicted to having second thoughts about having quit track:
Mix: sprinters, losers, winners, Brandon Flowers, sweat, crying, yelling, yelling, Pre, yelling, a lot of ouch, not enough oxygen, and a couple of unfunny, anti-inspirational puns.
Put them all in a blender.
It works!
How to be addicted to having second thoughts about having quit track:
Mix: sprinters, losers, winners, Brandon Flowers, sweat, crying, yelling, yelling, Pre, yelling, a lot of ouch, not enough oxygen, and a couple of unfunny, anti-inspirational puns.
Put them all in a blender.
It works!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Coincidence?
Josh Ritter (5)
Jarabe de Palo (25)
Jorge Drexler (4)
Javier Solis (8)
John Mayer (33)
Juan Luis Guerra (19)
Jaymay (1)
Juanes (13)
Jason Mraz (5)
Justin Timberlake (12)
Julieta Venegas (5)
Joan Manuel Serrat (4)
Jamie T (1)
Joaquin Sabina (3)
Jack Johnson (13)
Jesse McCartney (1)
Jarabe de Palo (25)
Jorge Drexler (4)
Javier Solis (8)
John Mayer (33)
Juan Luis Guerra (19)
Jaymay (1)
Juanes (13)
Jason Mraz (5)
Justin Timberlake (12)
Julieta Venegas (5)
Joan Manuel Serrat (4)
Jamie T (1)
Joaquin Sabina (3)
Jack Johnson (13)
Jesse McCartney (1)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Dear April,
It's about time, buddy.
T.S. Eliot can douse his lyrical potpourri in a tubful of kerosene and watch it burn in the springtime sun, because you are about to prove (for the nineteenth year in a row) that you are actually the most glorious month of the year, you're the reason why the other 335 days are worth living. You're the smooth operator, the perfect situation, the girl in the war, and the clarity that, against every expectation, gives every smudge and stain a raison d'etre.
It's been a while since we last saw each other, so here's an update on things:
- I still haven't run since cross country
- I still watch the O.C. on bad days
- I still want to marry Alex Stevens
- I still don't know where I'm going to live come September
Conclusion: May - March is only good for retrograde motion and downloading TV
I think we can both agree that it wasn't fair for you to just pack up and leave me to fend for myself for 11 months, so I think you'll find these to be more than reasonable:
List of Demands
1. There was a time when hearing Hey There Delilah didn't make me want to stomp the speakers into dust. I want this back. I do.
2. A muse would be kind of cool, maybe a mini Michael Jackson.
3. A 60 degree minimum, starting now.
4. My dad's definition of Adulthood could use some tweaking, in Tom Hank/Joe Fox's use of the word.
Much appreciated, you're the best.
-Paulina
T.S. Eliot can douse his lyrical potpourri in a tubful of kerosene and watch it burn in the springtime sun, because you are about to prove (for the nineteenth year in a row) that you are actually the most glorious month of the year, you're the reason why the other 335 days are worth living. You're the smooth operator, the perfect situation, the girl in the war, and the clarity that, against every expectation, gives every smudge and stain a raison d'etre.
It's been a while since we last saw each other, so here's an update on things:
- I still haven't run since cross country
- I still watch the O.C. on bad days
- I still want to marry Alex Stevens
- I still don't know where I'm going to live come September
Conclusion: May - March is only good for retrograde motion and downloading TV
I think we can both agree that it wasn't fair for you to just pack up and leave me to fend for myself for 11 months, so I think you'll find these to be more than reasonable:
List of Demands
1. There was a time when hearing Hey There Delilah didn't make me want to stomp the speakers into dust. I want this back. I do.
2. A muse would be kind of cool, maybe a mini Michael Jackson.
3. A 60 degree minimum, starting now.
4. My dad's definition of Adulthood could use some tweaking, in Tom Hank/Joe Fox's use of the word.
Much appreciated, you're the best.
-Paulina
Friday, March 20, 2009
Once Upon A Time, I used to
write.
Chapter Five: Monica's Ready to fiigt
As Monica ran through the house, she saw a giant bat. Suddenly, the bat turned into..... A BLOODSUCKING VAMPIRE! The vampire said "Yummy, yum, yum, yum." "A little girl." "Just whath I need for dinner." Monica was so scared, that she tried to kick him. But instead of him, She did a giant flip. "Woa,-a-Woaaaaaa" she cried. When Monica landed on the floor, the vampire said, "Whoa, mama!" then he dropped dead.
Monica's Trip, Paulina Lopez, 1997
Chapter Five: Monica's Ready to fiigt
As Monica ran through the house, she saw a giant bat. Suddenly, the bat turned into..... A BLOODSUCKING VAMPIRE! The vampire said "Yummy, yum, yum, yum." "A little girl." "Just whath I need for dinner." Monica was so scared, that she tried to kick him. But instead of him, She did a giant flip. "Woa,-a-Woaaaaaa" she cried. When Monica landed on the floor, the vampire said, "Whoa, mama!" then he dropped dead.
Monica's Trip, Paulina Lopez, 1997
Sunday, March 15, 2009
It ain't a thang
This feels like celebrating Mardi Gras in Israel, it's the day before the last day of Carleton, which means that
1. the list of things to do gets longer and more urgent with each minute that I spend doing otherwise
2. I'm not actually done with homework
3. aw but come on, not really.. I mean, I could write that essay in an hour
4. Maybe 2 hours
5. Nothing is impossible!
(only quantum mechanically improbable)
1. the list of things to do gets longer and more urgent with each minute that I spend doing otherwise
2. I'm not actually done with homework
3. aw but come on, not really.. I mean, I could write that essay in an hour
4. Maybe 2 hours
5. Nothing is impossible!
(only quantum mechanically improbable)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Musicians Eat Fortune Cookies, Too.
Joseph Haydn: You thought you could trip me up with your 16ths slur? or the way you spell Menuett? *mistake* I actually kind of like you, and B-minor has nothing to do with it.
Per Gessle and Mats Persson: Thanks for making the 40th measure impossible, jerks. Look at your music and measure a normal human hand, then tell me what to listen to.
Frankie J: Don't tell anyone, but I like your version more than Aventura. I don't know if it's the 10 lbs of cubic zirconium on your ears or the way you keep your clothes on in a bathtub, but I def think I'm in love.
Per Gessle and Mats Persson: Thanks for making the 40th measure impossible, jerks. Look at your music and measure a normal human hand, then tell me what to listen to.
Frankie J: Don't tell anyone, but I like your version more than Aventura. I don't know if it's the 10 lbs of cubic zirconium on your ears or the way you keep your clothes on in a bathtub, but I def think I'm in love.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Akon and Ebony are never in the same room at the same time (?!)
Linguistics sucks right now na na
cause the test wasn't curved right now na na
so I'm not in class right now na na
I wanna have lunch right now na na
I wanna have lunch right now na na
I wanna have lunch right now na na
but I'd rather loop this song and bounce on my bed until Akon gets here. right now na na
P.S. What it looks like to get your money's worth of education at a top liberal arts college:
The Purple Dance
actually, backstreet boys are better but.. you know. don't misunderstand
EVERYONE IN EBONY IS OBNOXIOUS
cause the test wasn't curved right now na na
so I'm not in class right now na na
I wanna have lunch right now na na
I wanna have lunch right now na na
I wanna have lunch right now na na
but I'd rather loop this song and bounce on my bed until Akon gets here. right now na na
P.S. What it looks like to get your money's worth of education at a top liberal arts college:
The Purple Dance
actually, backstreet boys are better but.. you know. don't misunderstand
EVERYONE IN EBONY IS OBNOXIOUS
Friday, February 13, 2009
FOR COURTNEY.
Consider yourself tagged, woman.
50 questions
Here are the rules - post this list on your profile replacing my answers with yours.
Tag 25 people to do the same thing.
If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
no. these caps are going to get annoying.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
ahhh what a great question.
Square shaped cereal:
-CINNAMON LIFE (insert mark's blog link)
-golden grahams TIED WITH blueberry muffin toppers
Circle shaped cereal
-olympic cheerios
Sugary cereal:
-fruity freaking pebbles
Loud cereal:
- captain crunch
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
blue moon.
it tastes like fruit loops without the milk
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
whether they're annoying or not
15. RED OR PINK?
skip
actually, red
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
skip
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I need Adam Brody back in my life sssooooooooonnn
27. HAIR COLOR?
courtney please don't go purple
30 FAVORITE FOOD?
breakfast and ice cream
36. FAVORITE DESSERT
see favorite food
I skipped a couple, but I'd say it's pretty much done. So stop telling me to do this thing.
50 questions
Here are the rules - post this list on your profile replacing my answers with yours.
Tag 25 people to do the same thing.
If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
no. these caps are going to get annoying.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
ahhh what a great question.
Square shaped cereal:
-CINNAMON LIFE (insert mark's blog link)
-golden grahams TIED WITH blueberry muffin toppers
Circle shaped cereal
-olympic cheerios
Sugary cereal:
-fruity freaking pebbles
Loud cereal:
- captain crunch
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
blue moon.
it tastes like fruit loops without the milk
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
whether they're annoying or not
15. RED OR PINK?
skip
actually, red
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
skip
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I need Adam Brody back in my life sssooooooooonnn
27. HAIR COLOR?
courtney please don't go purple
30 FAVORITE FOOD?
breakfast and ice cream
36. FAVORITE DESSERT
see favorite food
I skipped a couple, but I'd say it's pretty much done. So stop telling me to do this thing.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Things I'm Putting Off To Write Here:
-music flashcards
-linguistics worksheet
-peeing
-reading about gravity and that Newton kid
-changing into something I haven't worn three days in a row
I got back on campus and my stomach did that flopsy thing that happens when you see your soulmate and your knees give away and your brain switches places with your heart and you can't help but sing everywhere you go. Seven layer bars, I missed you and you missed me. No more tragedy of separation.
Song you should pretend to be listening to:
If You Got The Money - Jamie T
So it's been a pretty good first week:
- I managed to pack everything but the essentials. Being without keys is actually a lot cooler than you'd think. It'd be even mega cooler if someone played the Mission Impossible song while you try sneaking into the dining hall, just think about that. (P.S. Tom Cruis really is the bald guy form Tropic Thunder.. apple bottom jeans..)
- Ebony. Ebony? Ebony! It's impossible.
- From now on, I'm referring to playing the piano as "tickling the ivories."
- Because I want to and because it isn't lame.
- Second thoughts about lacrosse.
- How does Ryan break up with Sadie??
Anyway, here's the important thing, roughly translated:
(Nothing is heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain is as heavy as the pain you share with someone, for someone, multiplied by the imagination, prolonged in a thousand echoes.)
-music flashcards
-linguistics worksheet
-peeing
-reading about gravity and that Newton kid
-changing into something I haven't worn three days in a row
I got back on campus and my stomach did that flopsy thing that happens when you see your soulmate and your knees give away and your brain switches places with your heart and you can't help but sing everywhere you go. Seven layer bars, I missed you and you missed me. No more tragedy of separation.
Song you should pretend to be listening to:
If You Got The Money - Jamie T
So it's been a pretty good first week:
- I managed to pack everything but the essentials. Being without keys is actually a lot cooler than you'd think. It'd be even mega cooler if someone played the Mission Impossible song while you try sneaking into the dining hall, just think about that. (P.S. Tom Cruis really is the bald guy form Tropic Thunder.. apple bottom jeans..)
- Ebony. Ebony? Ebony! It's impossible.
- From now on, I'm referring to playing the piano as "tickling the ivories."
- Because I want to and because it isn't lame.
- Second thoughts about lacrosse.
- How does Ryan break up with Sadie??
Anyway, here's the important thing, roughly translated:
(Nothing is heavier than compassion. Not even one's own pain is as heavy as the pain you share with someone, for someone, multiplied by the imagination, prolonged in a thousand echoes.)
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Time Travel IV
You may think that just because this new year ends in an odd number, that it's not worth celebrating. You wouldn't tell someone "Happy Bir!" or "Merry Christm!" or "Yankees Su!" But that's why this year is an excellent opportunity for people everywhere to swallow their pride and blow a paper horn when the ball drops at Times Square (Time Square? NPR or MPR?). This New Year will be a non-discriminatory holiday, regardless of the grossness that will follow after having to write twothousandniiiiiiiiiiiasdfjlaskjiiiiiiiine at the top of everything.
(deep breath)
H
A
P
P
Y
2
0
0
72/8
How you could have celebrated: Gone to a fancypants party full of rich, skinny people eating olives. Pretended to be at one of Julie Cooper's parties at the O.C. Spent the first 60 seconds of this brand new 365 page notebook trying not to choke while you eat grapes, drink cider, kiss your family and get hugged to death, simlutaneousy. Spent the next 59 minutes dancing with your brother and belting out Marc Anthony.
or:
Go to Sofia Flynn's house (auuggghlakdjsfldksj), where you spend 4 hours dancing and the rest of the time plotting some way to get your cousin and your friend's brother to fall in love during La Macarena so that Paulina and Jess can be actual sisters and then it wouldn't be so lame to pretend that they're the Olsen Twins (dibs on Ashley).
There's something else, too.
It's tacky and unattractive.
Paulina's Christmas 08 wasn't Christmas until about 14 hours ago. The Christmas part of it, I mean. And it's the kind of thing that you know won't happen to you because it'll happen to everyone else, or it seems to when you hear them get up on testimony sunday and it's always the same same same same thing.
...But something this year just didn't feel right. The house was all decorated, no one forgot to get or give a present. All of the classics were playing nonstop on the radio, the snow outside was beautiful. It looked like Christmas, but (look down, grab Kleenex) ... but it just didn't feel like Christmas. We weren't remembering what this holiday was about. There wasn't any spirit in any of us. (continue continue)
You hear it every year. If it's not at church, it's at a terrible Tim Allen movie or some episode on tv or really cheesy poems that don't stick to their meter.
You get it though, right?
(here's the kicker)
My dad got us three front row tickets to watch the Children's Theatre Company in Minneapolis put on The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
and I hate
how much
I loved it.
Because it's Naaaaaarnia, because it's the only thing BJ and Ricky Benson have in common, because the lion=jesus omgz. Augh.
But there you go. My Christmas happened at 11 a.m. on December 31, 2008, the 365th day of the year. I'd rather admit that I had it for 2 hours at a cheesy musical and feel a little bit like a canned Hallmark card than lie about it to myself when people ask me how my Christmas was this year.
Let's practice.
Paulina, how was your Christmas this year?
It was beautiful. It made me want to cry, clap, laugh and sing. It melted a rainbow into my eyes (I'm stealing) so that everything I saw would be beautiful, just for a while. It reminded me of what it means to have faith and what it means to believe in the most perfect, extraordinary kind of love. It was the best way possible to end the year.
(deep breath)
H
A
P
P
Y
2
0
0
72/8
How you could have celebrated: Gone to a fancypants party full of rich, skinny people eating olives. Pretended to be at one of Julie Cooper's parties at the O.C. Spent the first 60 seconds of this brand new 365 page notebook trying not to choke while you eat grapes, drink cider, kiss your family and get hugged to death, simlutaneousy. Spent the next 59 minutes dancing with your brother and belting out Marc Anthony.
or:
Go to Sofia Flynn's house (auuggghlakdjsfldksj), where you spend 4 hours dancing and the rest of the time plotting some way to get your cousin and your friend's brother to fall in love during La Macarena so that Paulina and Jess can be actual sisters and then it wouldn't be so lame to pretend that they're the Olsen Twins (dibs on Ashley).
There's something else, too.
It's tacky and unattractive.
Paulina's Christmas 08 wasn't Christmas until about 14 hours ago. The Christmas part of it, I mean. And it's the kind of thing that you know won't happen to you because it'll happen to everyone else, or it seems to when you hear them get up on testimony sunday and it's always the same same same same thing.
...But something this year just didn't feel right. The house was all decorated, no one forgot to get or give a present. All of the classics were playing nonstop on the radio, the snow outside was beautiful. It looked like Christmas, but (look down, grab Kleenex) ... but it just didn't feel like Christmas. We weren't remembering what this holiday was about. There wasn't any spirit in any of us. (continue continue)
You hear it every year. If it's not at church, it's at a terrible Tim Allen movie or some episode on tv or really cheesy poems that don't stick to their meter.
You get it though, right?
(here's the kicker)
My dad got us three front row tickets to watch the Children's Theatre Company in Minneapolis put on The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
and I hate
how much
I loved it.
Because it's Naaaaaarnia, because it's the only thing BJ and Ricky Benson have in common, because the lion=jesus omgz. Augh.
But there you go. My Christmas happened at 11 a.m. on December 31, 2008, the 365th day of the year. I'd rather admit that I had it for 2 hours at a cheesy musical and feel a little bit like a canned Hallmark card than lie about it to myself when people ask me how my Christmas was this year.
Let's practice.
Paulina, how was your Christmas this year?
It was beautiful. It made me want to cry, clap, laugh and sing. It melted a rainbow into my eyes (I'm stealing) so that everything I saw would be beautiful, just for a while. It reminded me of what it means to have faith and what it means to believe in the most perfect, extraordinary kind of love. It was the best way possible to end the year.
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