See, the artist formerly known as Pink isn't the only one who can make punctuation part of the alphabet! All it takes is a little wah-I'm-not-Britney-because-I-have-a-dykey-haircut-and-a-man-voice angst. Which I don't have. I have a sore throat and the irresistable urge to loop my Britney playlist.
An In Depth Comparative Analysis of Britney Spears vs P!nk (Pink) songs
1.
a) Don't Let Me Get Me : Pink is a failure who hates herself.
b) Lucky : Britney's alter ego constantly fakes happiness and perfection for the sake of her adoring fans, but on the inside she's a victim of fame who cry cry cries in her lonely heart.
Winner: Um, I'm pretty sure that I'd secretly cry in the car (JUST LIKE BRITNEY) every time Lucky came on Radio Disney. It's heartwarming, heartbreaking, and catchy, aka it's wonderful.
2.
a) Family Portrait : Wahwah dysfuntional family. A kid's chorus? "Your pain is painful"? This is the radio, not a Lifetime movie, P!nk.
b) Toxic : Whooooa wait wait, can Britney get any edgier? I can't even tell what she says in this song because it sounds like a bunch of squeaky dolphin sounds, but it's got to be good because she's wearing a glitter suit in the music video.
Winner: Dolpin squeaks aside, I think it's clear where Stephanie Meyer got her inspiration for sparkly vampire skin. Which should automatically make P!nk the winner this one, but the fact that Karen Kennedy, Mormonest Mormon on the face of the earth, had Toxic as her ringtone makes Britney the winner.
3.
a) Who Knew : It took me approx. 1.5 years to realize that this was, in fact, P!nk, and not Kelly Clarkson. The violins in the background made it really easy to believe so.
b) Hit Me, Baby (One More Time) : This song was revolutionary because Britney made lame things super-sexy. Eraser pencil tops? Sexy. Pigtails? Sexy. P.E.? Sexxxxxxxy.
Winner: Well, Kelly doesn't actully sing Who Knew, and even if she did, Kelly can't do a back handspring while singing "Oh pretty baby there's nothing that I wouldn't do." BRITNEY IT IS!
In conclusion, Paulina Lopez will have good days and sore throat days, but no matter what, Britney Spears will always be there for her, in sickness or in health. Even if she doesn't show up on the Facebook Music Info.
P.S. OHMYGOSH!!!
