22B422 Pt. 22: TOO SOON

Things on my TOO SOON list (for which the pain is much too fresh for me to spend more than two seconds thinking about before locking myself in a room and playing Someone Like You on repeat)

-Titanic in 3-D
-"Fast Car", seriously
-My lack of an Ed Studies concentration
-The ruuuude Pepsi Max ads at Target Field today
- Pan-Pan going out of business
- Anything related to comps
- The last chapter of "The Women of Brewster Place"
- THE RAPE OF MOTHER EFFING NAN KING
- RIP Greg Sellnow
- The Quarry Hill murder
- Kony graffiti on Spoonbridge and Cherry
- Jason Varitek's retirement
- Manny Ramirez's comeback
- every single thing I've turned in so far for Creative Non-Fiction

22B422 Pt. 21: Things I Might Miss When I Move Out Of Minnesota

Things I Might Miss When I Move Out Of Minnesota
1. HyVee
2. CARIBOU COFFEE
3. Perkins Restaurant, Bakery and All-Day Breakfast Paradise
4. Kwik Trip
5. Basil's Pizza
6. The Carleton College Security Blotter
7. The Paperbook Palace
8. the guy on Minnesota Public Radio with the New Zealand accent
9. 507
10. Panakuken
11. "You bet."

22B422 Pt. 20: Notebook Excerpts

LIFE WRITING AT ITS BEST! Beat this, Anne Frank.
The first lines of each page in my school notebook:

- a model
- Do I know George well enough to write about this?
- turned into a commentary on effects of
- 4/10 is timeline invasion day on Facebook
- leaves with new understanding of people, generally normalizes them
- INVESTIGATIVE
- Autobiography/Personal/Psychology
- general journalism lecture: solve problem of SCENE first
- farm stand in high school (high school or old woman?)
- he wants to win the lottery/rob a bank/ change his name/ donate to charity
- ... therefore becomes a hero to win BUT
- ... therefore he successfully frames liked hero to take his spot, BUT
- Sotheby's, appraisal orgs
- antiques capital of Connecticut?
- rituals and benchmarks
- structure of schooling and the boundaries of adolescence
- (Rousseau) assumes people are innately good
- make every working man a scholar and every scholar a working man
- Milner: status determined by beauty/physique
- Erikson/Marcia's so-called universal theories don't consider the implications of race
- Louder Than A Bomb questions : poetry in curriculum?
- 2000 writers' collaborative
- Personal Narrative: what's the purpose of telling a story?
- Doug Foxgrover and posters
-The role of social networks on adolescent identity development
- retain the inalienability of status because status is located in other people's minds
- in high school could explore the two identities by creating
- Last weekend, Ernesto and I visited Ann Arbor, Michigan
- Oliver Sachs and how to approach life writing
- Salem's Lot 4:23:21 at 59:45
- scholars and leaders in professionalism
- low scoop/arms side/ knees low/ cries low
- legs take it out in stride

22B422 Pt. 19: Things Currently On My Coffee Table

- A thing of nail polish in "Spring Fling," which looks peach-colored in the bottle but gold and tacky on my fingernails.

- A milkglass vase with flowers from last summer's wedding

- A Swingline stapler

- One green mug with a sad little puddle of Coke Zero at the bottom

- One compostable plastic cup 1/3 filled with trail mix I took from the junior art show opening

- One unwrapped box of chocolate-covered macadamias

- Ernesto's unused Lagniappe

- One Glade candle that smells like "Clean Linen" or "Fresh Cotton" or something similar to give the illusion that any laundry ever gets done in this apartment

- Half of a chocolate chip cookie from Sayles

- One Energizer battery charger

- One new copy of "A Century of Revolution" by Grendin & Joseph

- One used copy of "Keep it Real" by Lee Gutkind

- One used and battered copy of "The Rise and Fall of the American Teenager" by Thomas Hine

- A teal-colored ceramic Sun/Moon that I haven't found a nail for

- A framed print of Paws/Pause

- One used copy of "The Motorcycle Diaries"

- The Spring/Summer Northfield community ed catalog

- A Victoria's Secret catalog

- One copy of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" that is property of John Marshall High School

- One sealed envelope addressed to the Mayo Scholarship Plan

- One printout of a reddit IAMA thread titled, "I transport exotic and unusual shipments for FedEx. AMA"

22B422 Pt. 18: Teen Anthems

Have you ever been in high school? Do you go to Carleton College? You should probably take EDUC 344 with Deborah Appleman, where you get to study high school and teen angst and all the other things that make life worth living. There's a slightly insane number of books that we read per week, but the class makes up for it by starting every day with a teen anthem. Our list so far has included:

- "Baba O'Riley", by The Who

- "No Such Thing," by John Mayer (not his best, but I freaked out enthusiastically regardless)

- "Jack and Diane," by John Mellencamp

- "Fast Car," by Tracy Chapman (I think I've described previously how hard it was not to cry)

- "At Seventeen," by Janis Ian

- "Maria, Maria," by Santana w/ Wyclef and a bunch of other people

- "Waterfalls," by TLC

- "Born This Way," by Lady Gaga

22B422 Pt. 17: Candles

Does it count if I wrote this list way back in November? Here's an excerpt from last year's NaNoWriMo experiment, which takes place in a street market. 


Across this woman's stand was a booth filled with incense and candles that church-going people could burn for specific saints, or for the occasional miracle. There was
- the candle that could cure impotency
- the candle that could turn back time
- the candle that could heal the sick
- the candle that could turn smelly feet odorless 
- the candle that could turn naughty children into angels
- the candle that could make the lover who broke your heart come back on his knees begging for your forgiveness
- the candle that kept  bitter ancestors out of your house
- the candle that stretched money out so that people could make ends meet
- the candle that helped vocalists with no talent sing in tune
- the candle that helped people read faster
- the candle that made a specific person miss you so much their bones ached
- the candle that could burn away all the sins you'd ever committed
- the candle that could burn away all the sins you were considering committing in the next year
- the candle that guaranteed a lasting marriage
- the candle that soothed coughs, sore throats, stomachaches and fevers
- the candle that induced coughs, sore throats, stomachaches and fevers
- the candle that made you into a better poet
- the candle that ensured anything cooked in your kitchen would never burn again
- the candle that incrementally cured diabetes long enough for you to have just one bite of that delicious chocolate donut
- the candle that made arthritis go away
- the candle that erased memories 
- the candle that helped you find lost items
- the candle that made you lose weight
- the candle that engorged your breasts 
- the candle that scared away monsters under the bed and ghosts in the closet
- the candle that made it so you were always on time
- the candle that helped you stop the disgusting habit of biting your nails
- the candle to keep unwanted missionaries away from your doorstep
- the candle that cured alcoholism
- the candle that got you drunk
- the candle that protected houses from bandits and criminals
- the candle that ended world hunger
- the candle that kept away nosy neighbors
- the candle that made lonely people feel a little less alone
- the candle that made everyone in the room fuzzy to the point of near invisibility so that you could be alone if you wanted
- the candle that helped people find the silver lining on the darkest, coal-black thunder clouds 
- the candle that restored faith when faith was needed
- the candle that soothed people in moments of resignation
- the candle that provided shots of extra energy
- the candle that helped lost dogs find their way back home
- the candle that helped people remember birthdays and anniversaries and supposedly important dates like those
- the candle that improved people's driving abilities
- the candle that reduced blood pressure
- the candle that inspired burnt-out lovers to squeeze out one last sonnet before deciding that they are bored with romance
- the candle that could help people forgive the unforgivable
- the candle that kept ants and cockroaches out of the pantry
- the candle that erased fingerprints and smudges from clear glass windows
- the candle that made people run faster
- the candle that helped people sleep sounder
- the candle that could cure snoring
- the candle that could induce nightmares in people who had grown accustomed to too many sweet dreams
- the candle for people who are afraid of the dark
- the candle for people who are afraid of heights
- the candle for people who are afraid of people
- the candle that could make limp celery crunchy again
- the candle that could make lightbulbs glow brighter
- the candle that helped people make difficult decisions
- the candle that increased gamblers' chances at winning
- the candle that allowed people to read other people's minds
- the candle that made everyone agree with you
- the candle that kept it from raining
- the candle that helped your rose bushes grow
- the candle that perpetually blessed the food on your table so that you wouldn't have to say grace at every meal
- the candle that eased pangs of hunger pain
- the candle that helped people speak a foreign language
- the candle that deciphered the Book of Isaiah 
- the candle whose flames foretold the future with shadows on the wall 
- the candle that took back all of the hurtful things you said to the few people you cared about the most
- the candle for aching backs
- the candle for Christmases when there might not be enough presents

22B422 Pt. 16: Now You're Just

Well hey there. A week ago I made the huge mistake of listening to Gotye's "Somebody That I Used to Know," so obviously now I'm super depressed and/or have lost all faith in humanity. A while ago I wrote a list of goodbye songs that aren't really saying goodbye, and this one just tops them all. 

To deal with my all of my complicated feelings regarding this song, I made a bunch of advice animals and took some liberty with Gotye's lyrics.

Alternate Endings to The Chorus for Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know."

Now you're just somebody's lawn I used to mow.

Now you're just some money that I used to owe.

Now you're just a neon sign that used to glow. 

Now you're just the pottery I used to throw. 

Now you're just the sculpture that I used to sew. 

Now you're just the cleavage that I used to show. 

Now you're just the bubbles that I used to blow.

Now you're just the season when it used to snow.  (MN WINTER 2012!)

Now you're just the sea monkeys I used to grow. 

Now you're just the college where I used to go. Seeyuh, Carleton.

22B422 Pt. 15: Division Street Curse

I used to think Rochester was a teeny little midwestern town.. and then I moved to Northfield. Our downtown area is Division Street, our own little Champs Elysees sitting pretty between Carleton and St. Olaf. The cute, hustlin' bustlin' part of Division Street goes on for about 4 blocks of renovated hundred-year-old buildings that house yarn stores, used bookstores, LOVELY ANTIQUE SHOPS, and like five different ice cream places. The well-trimmed trees and baroque-looking street benches give Division Street a deceptive air of perpetual happiness, but those of us who've been here for over a year know that all the decorative street lamps in the world can't mask the Ghosts of Businesses Past who still haunt the street.


Division Street Businesses That Have Closed Since I Started College


1. Sweet Lou's Waffle Bar, in business from 2008-2009. This was a fun place to visit now and then, and the business was owned by (and named after) one of Carleton's own Religion professors. People could order sweet or savory toppings to go on their waffles, but at 7$ per waffle, the closing really came as a surprise to no one.

2. River City Books, in business from 2002-2009. The store had been a branch of the Carleton Bookstore, but specialized in books that people actually read rather than Organic Chem textbooks that end up serving as doorstops.

3. Tea Creations, in business from 2011-2012. This place had bubble tea and regular tea and mango smoothies an egg rolls and I ONLY CAME HERE ONCE because I didn't realize how yummy bubble tea was until the year was basically over and I went back to Rochester. I think I had a bubble smoothie, which is basically a smoothie that has gummies at the bottom. The best part of bubble drinks is that they come with the fattest straws in the world. :(


4. Pan-Pan International Cafe, in business from 2010-2011. Ernesto and I ate here pretty often because they had an enormous peanut stir fry that always comes with tons of cilantro and because they sold Jarritos. This place sold Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Mexican food (weird combo? yes. delicious? yes.) and had sort of awkward waiters. It also had Saturday breakfasts that I never tried. 5 dollar huevos rancheros, you're the one that got away..


5. Digs, in business from 2001-2011. Digs was a yarn and fabric store that left Northfield right when I started doing soft sculpture for my senior year art classes. I ended up driving to JoAnn's in Rochester like every other week to get satin or zippers or polyester fluff or blue thread and whatever else I needed for mah artz. Speaking of which.. does anyone need fabric hamburgers? Fabric shotguns? Fabric pretzels? Fabric syringes? Fabric rifles? Fabric cigarettes? Anyone? Anyone?

6. Tiny's, in business from THE BEGINNING OF TIME - 2011. Tiny's sold hot dogs and indie soda BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY its ads were literally the best part of The CLAP (the edz got free hotdogs every Friday for making them). So now that Tiny's is out (and Andreas Stoehr graduated), 1. There is no way to save America and 2. The CLAP just has a bunch of rehashed look-a-likes and Asian mom emails. And soft porn.

Someone else's photo of the Tiny's bumper sticker.

22B422 Pt. 14: Panino

On April 17, 1992, my mom gave birth to the tub of lard that would grow to be my best friend (after our rough period involving knife threats and borderline mental abuse). Here's a list of some of the memories I like to reminisce about now and then involving the best broooother in the world.

Look at this kid in his tulip costume. What's not to love?! Let me tell you. This picture was taken DAYS before this little bundle of joy sat on my Olympic gymnast Barbie, squishing her hips and destroying her tumbling career. 

This is at his 5th birthday party, where he got Space Jam as one of his presents. We would watch it and laugh nonstop whenever someone said the word "butt" and when Daffy Duck asked to stay home and bake cookies. The movie came with the soundtrack (his first ever CD!) and Francisco would also get really teary during "For You I Will," by Monica (his favorite song for YEARS). Such a sensitive soul. 

I don't really have a memory associated with this picture, I just think Francisco looks hilarious. On a separate note, our dad made that ginormous flag, I never cease to be impressed by it. 

Francisco had chicken pox on this trip, his face looked the color of mayonaise for days. 

This is during Francisco's train phase, where he (and I) would watch Thomas the Tank Engine and the gang mess things up for Sir Top'em Hat allll day long. You can't tell in the picture very well, but this was also the phase when he was in love with Lucky Sumale, his primary teacher from church. The day she got married, he refused to shake her husband's hand. 

I just wanted to get a picture that captured his Hair Phase. This was also during his Vans phase (which has only sort of ended) and his Motion City Soundtrack obsession. I'm not sure what's going on in this picture. Is he about to punch me in the head? We both look ridiculous, but Natalia looks like a freaking rock star here. 

And Francisco looks like a freaking rock star in this one (though Alexia should take most of the credit for that). Which rock star does he look like?

BUSTED!! YOU CAN'T DENY IT FRANCISCO ABRAHAM! 

Quit stealing J-Bieb's swag(gie). 

22B422 Pt. 13: Things I Wish I Liked

22 Things I Wish I Liked 

1. pug dogs

2. bulldogs

3. zebra print

4. yoga

5. wearing high heels

6. football

7. The Catcher in the Rye

8. the word "guesstimate"

9. zombie-related things

10. high-waisted jeans/shorts/skirts/everything

11. Where the Wild Things Are

12. Angry Birds 

13. Instagrammed photos

14. carpets

15. KRLX

16. Whoppers 

17. feathers

18. koalas

19. painting with acrylics instead of oils

20. brushing my hair

21. temporary tattoos

22. sunsets

22B422 Pt. 12: Why Can't I Write This Stupid Essay?

Why Can't I Write This Stupid Essay?


- I'm too busy yelling at Ernesto for trying to throw away all my precious memories that are stacked on the coffee table

- IT IS SO HOT EVERYWHERE AAAAAHHH

- Daydreams about eating Krispy Kremes keep coming into my brain unannounced

- Everytime I start to type "Furthermore," I automatically start saying "And furthermore Susan..." in a really indignant voice

- Anne Marker (whoever that is) keeps putting beautiful things on Pinterest that make me swoon.

- Each time I catch a glimpse of myself typing, I get distracted at how cool my nails look now that Ernesto painted them. YOU DA BEST, ERNEST.

- I'm negotiating this inner battle over whether or not it's okay to eat yet another box of Peep bunnies. My body's saying "Let's go," but my heart is saying "No."

- ^ what the heck ITUNES, I've definitely had "Genie in a Bottle" in my music library since 2004. Where did you put my song?? Even my things lose my things.

- It's senior spring term and literally all I care about is using my birthday coupon for Supercuts. After that's over with, I'll probably sit on the grass drinking Coke Zero until graduation.

- Speaking of sitting on the grass, who's playing at Spring Concert this year? Obviously I can't write this paper until I know all of the obscure bands that I'm not acquainted with enough to be able to sing along to (last year RJD2 came but well how do you sing along to "Ghostwriter"? You can't.) (still though.. RJD2!)

22B422 Pt. 11: Other Names for Jelly Beans

I'm so behind on this thing.. get ready for some boring lists.
This one's dedicated to my favorite kind of chocolate-less Easter candy.


Other Names for Jelly Beans


- Color Chews

- Rainbow Tears

- I Can't Believe They're Not Salmon Eggs

- Pretty Pebbles

- Obese Sprinkles

- Edible Barbie Ball Pit

- Lisa Frank's Every-Flavor Pellets

- Crayon Turds

22B422 Pt. 10: Four-Leaf Clover Hotspots

In honor of Friday the 13th, I thought I'd share some advice for those of you who want to stay safe on this and future Unlucky Days. Here are the places I've found four-leaf clovers in SE Minnesota.


- Camp Philippo Boy Scout Reservation: I found my first four-leaf clover here over the summer of 2001 at a girl's camp. This discovery was basically the root of my friendship with Katie Fleming (HEY KATIE!).

- Essex Park (Rochester, MN): Over the summer of 2003, Francisco and I spent an entire afternoon looking for four-leaf clovers on the grassy area between the volleyball court and the horseshoe things. We found a total of twelve four-leaf clovers (Francisco found most of them but I convinced him that I deserved to keep at least 6 of them since I was older) (I'm not a good person). We went home and taped them up and kept them in an envelope that I promptly lost.

- In front of the Aroma Pie Shop in Whalan, MN on the Root River bike trail: I found one four-leaf clover in the summer of 2007, taped it up (I came prepared!) then used it as a bookmark for 100 Years of Solitude. That sounds so snobby, but it felt really enchanting at the time.

- Behind the John Marshall Parking Lot (Rochester, MN): This was a special find because I saw the four-leaf clover without looking for it. I saw this one during September of 2007, and gave it to the person who'd been sitting next to me.

- Next to the Carleton community garden (Northfield, MN): The best part of ARTS Junior Seminar was when I found 2 four-leaf clovers during one of our outdoor class discussions in spring term of 2011. I kept these in my wallet, they're currently sandwiched behind my learner's permit and an old student ID.

22B422 pt. 9: Books J.K. Rowling Should Write

J.K. Rowling recently announced her new novel, The Casual Vacancy. According to Rowling, the "blackly comic" book will be a departure from the Potter series, focusing on the events of a small idyllic town. While this is a perfectly reasonable narrative for an author to pursue, I think J.K. Rowling isn't doing this right. The past decade of fame and fortune following the UNPARALLELED WONDER that is Harry Potter allows her the freedom to write absolutely anything she wants for this next book. No matter what, people are going to read this first non-Potta book, because they'll want to see what non-magical things she has to offer.

Think of the possibilities, J.K.
The possibilities are endless, J.K.
J.K., but seriously. (geddit x3)

Books J.K. Rowling Should Publish Instead of "The Casual Vacancy"

Sixty-One Different Ways to Fold A Sock, the story of a half-Japanese adolescent girl who reconciles her heritage with her individuality by repurposing lost socks into origami figures. 

My Favorite Crayola Colors in Reverse Alphabetical Order, Wisteria, Wild Blue Yonder, Unmellow Yellow... what comes next? Read to find out.

No Pain, No Gain: Reforming Education One Spank at a Time, one woman's take on Education reform.

Even Eva Excitedly Electrocuted Erin's Excellent Essay, a collection of 26 short stories, each dedicated to one letter of the  English alphabet.

Who, Who, Who?, where the author expands on several theories about who let the dogs out.

When Everyday Is Hobo Day, the heartbreaking account of a girl whose old, tattered sweatpants chemically merged with her skin.

Where The Wild Things Aren't, including but not limited to: Thursdays on First, Mai Fete, under the bed, in the passenger's seat, and so on.

Standing Ovations That Weren't Deserved, recounting the author's long history of being too generous with her applause, and the disastrous results that followed. 

22B422 Pt. 8: My Half-Blood Prince

Do you remember when Harry Potta got all A's in Potions because he was lucky enough to get the Half-Blood Prince's old copy of Advanced Potion Making? And he used the annotations scribbled on the margins of each dusty page to learn a bunch of secret spells that were really good at hurting people? Well, I'm going through basically the same experience with my used copy of Freaks, Geeks and Cool Kids, one of the books for my ed studies class. The main difference is that the annotations in my book are totally irrelevant and very, very entertaining.

The Half-Blood Prince's copy of Freaks, Geeks and Cool Kids.  It even looks old-timey and full of secret secrets! Also, check out my cute potholder in the corner.

Feast your eyes on these notes from page 19.

Doesn't that look promising? Clearly, the Half-Blood Prince (HBP) of Educational Studies doesn't give a crap about Cindy Tiedeman's 20% Underline rule. 

It's gonna be hard to put this person's notes in context, but we'll give this a shot. 

"this is the underlined part in textbook" this is the HBP's annotation

My Favorite HBP Notes From Chapter 1:

"My goal is not to portray the full complexity of high school." I like that she outright says this for H.S. is very traumatizing for some

"A long line of research ... argues that family background is a strong determinant of educational attainment than most other things." I agree my mother did not care but my stepdad made me work my ass off so I could succeed

"authoritative parenting" best type

"... the relatively weak effect of parents is seen in the children of immigrants" But is it because they are trying to fit in "Grandma"

"Benjamin Spock" best baby book!

"Perhaps what is wrong with young people is simply a reflection of the class structure of society..." LOL Dew is an idiot 

"I reject this assumption." SO DO I

"... expelling students requires complicated and time-consuming processes." and most times is wanted

"Schooling becomes another form of consumption." There is so much to do how do students do hw

"... horrific school shootings like those at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, have contributed to the perception that our schools are not only ineffective, but unsafe." Social hatred u cant do this horrible act these kids need help

"youngsters" who uses this

(at the top of one page) There is a lot of info that she says but does not matter

While some of the notes are fairly straightforward, and echo many of the sentiments that one might feel during readings, most of the mysterious HBP's notes are like weird, lopsided holes in a chainlink fence that are big enough for me to know that the stuff on the other side might be interesting, but not big enough for me to squeeze through and see what the heck this person is talking about. Who's "Grandma"? Is it like, HBP's grandma, or is HBP referring to the author as Grandma? (Throughout the entire first chapter,  HBP keeps referring to the male author as "she." It spices up the reading.) Who is Dew and why is Dew an idiot? How is expulsion 'wanted'? Does HBP love his stepdad more than his mom? 

HBP IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PLZ EMAIL ME WITH THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS. OR YOU COULD CALL ME TWEET ME IF YOU WANNA REACH ME. ALSO, DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE USED BOOKS LYING AROUND? GET AT ME BRAH. 

22B422 Pt. 7: Ernesto's Comps

Today, at approximately 8:00 p.m. in the Weitz Cinema, Ernesto Llano gave his comps talk with 6 other chemistry majors.

Ernesto giving his DNA replication explanation across the nation (but actually just to the Weitz Cinema)

And an hour later.. da whole famdamily! 

Here's the list of Chemistry-related sleazy pick-up lines that I thought of during the presentation:

- "Are you coming to my comps talk? It'll be a chemisTREAT."

- "Girl look at that prime ase" (?)

- "I'll let you trigger my loop release."

- "Did someone break your heart? I can tape together your okizaki fragments."

None of these are funny. Well, I think the first one is okay, but you know. I'm sorry this is such a lame list I'M SORRY OKAY. To my credit, I was prompted by the comps title, which was something like "DNA, I hear you're single.. molecule replication" (more or less).

I've spent most of today stopping myself from logging on Facebook because I didn't want to see my newly enforced TIMELINE and it's just been a downer overall. You're a jerk, Facebook.

In other distressing news, today we listened to "Fast Car" during my Ed Studies class and I had to grip my seat with both hands to stop myself from bawling up a storm. Maybe it's the song's deceptive grooviness, or maybe it's the fact that I can't understand half of what Tracy Chapman is saying until the lyrics are handed to me in a powerpoint, but I'd never realized what a depressing song this was.

22B422 Pt. 6: swag swag swag

I've started to write this post like fifty billion times, but each time I start playing "Boyfriend" for inspiration/relevant background music, I end up spending an hour looping the song twenty times before realizing I'm late to class. Today might have very well ended up similarly, but the previous post is actually pretty relevant to this song, and I'm dying to write about Call Me Maybe but I can't do that until I explain Justin's 'swag' reference here SO HERE WE GO.

If I've spent any time around you in the past two weeks, chances are that I've told you about Justin Bieber's new single, "Boyfriend". Okay, I've been waiting for this song to come out for MONTHS ever since JustinBieber started tweeting about it, like even before I got a twitter. My curiosity was especially peaked after he released the single's cover art, which is a photo of Justin looking remarkably similar to the photo of John Mayer for the Battle Studies cover art.

 tl;dr: Justin Bieber and John Mayer are both dressing up like James Dean and I have NO complaints.

It has taken lit'rally every molecule of self-control in my body NOT to spend every second of my life laying on my couch and letting this song completely infiltrate each cell in my body. Also (according to Ernesto), I've been having bodyroll control issues whenever I so much as think about the song. Clearly, I'm in the Love-Love stage with this song, and rightly so. This leaves me at the crossroads to end all crossroads, because (as I've expressed multiple times to the public and to the Carleton hip hop community) this song in its entirety would be such good dance material. But it's also such good listening material, and if this song turns into a dance that I spend hours and hours choreographing and cleaning, I can essentially guarantee that I'll never listen to it on my own without wanting to puke.

BUT AUGH JUST LISTEN.  The first 50 seconds are actually on their knees, begging to be danced to. It's so so so so tempting. Even if I forgo this song for the spring show, I've got a pretty good idea for an ideal music video which would involve having me in the center of a V-formation with Justin Bieber on my left and Justin Timberlake on my right. At some point, we might do a segment knee-deep in a giant fondue pot. Or maybe dripping in fondue chocolate.  I'll probably save the rest of my feelings for another post.. most of my feeling/thoughts/proposed music video ideas are slightly R-rated, so it might just be a video of the various facial expressions I make when I listen to this song. We'll see.

This post hasn't been super intelligible, so let me just sum up for you why I can't stop daydreaming about this song.

1. The oddly enticing orca sounds throughout the song that appeal to the Free Willy lover in me.
2. The "Till the World Ends" reference that would tie in PERFECTLY to the Till World Ends remix dance I'm doing. Destiny? I think so.
3. The Buzz Lightyear reference is freaking ripe with potential for airplane arm moves. \ 0 /     _ 0 _     <- sort of like those
4. "swag, swag, swag" (Natalia and I had to listen to this part three different times before realizing that's what he was saying) (I said it was sexy and she looked at me awkweirdly)
4. "say hello to falsetto in three, two, swag"
5. "swaggie"
6. The overall obsession with swag-related things. Which even makes its way to the Call Me Maybe video that I can't stop watching!! Tomorrow's post fosho.
7. Is it weird that I imagine Artie from Glee singing this along with Justin? In any case, it's a PRO.
8. Timberlakian falsettos that gave me goosebumps in the best way possible. asdkjlksjflskdjf

I think it's clear that I have A Type and that type is Boys Named Justin Who Dance Well And Falsetto Their Way Into My Heart.

22B422 Pt. 5: Off-Limit Choreo Songs

The thing I've been most looking forward to in Spring Term is getting to spend 8+ hours a week in the dance studio again. Aaaaaaaaahhhh! 

Those of you who have choreographed before know that you develop a complicated relationship with your music that goes through various stages: 1. Love-Love (where you spend every waking second of your day wanting to listen to the song), 2. Love-Hate (where the initial appeal is starting to fade away) and 3. Hate-Hate (where the song provokes a visceral reaction similar to that of expired milk). Having gone through these stages with more once-beloved Justin Timberlake songs than I care to count, I recently decided to make a playlist of songs that are absolutely off-limits for any possible choreography. If I can't choreograph to them, I can't ever hate them!

OFF-LIMIT SONGS THAT I LOVE TOO MUCH TO TURN INTO DANCES.. 

"You Rock My World"  - Michael Jackson

 the first verse of "Stereo Hearts" - Gym Class Heroes w/ Adam Levine

"Gotta Get Thru This" - Daniel Bedingfield (remember him?!)

"Dirty Pop" - N*SYNC

"The Way I Are" - Timbaland (probably most danceable song I have ever heard in my life)

"Feel Good, Inc" - Gorillaz w/ De La Soul

"Somebody to Love" - Justin Bieber

"Captain Bhangre Da" - Ravi Bal (thaaaank you Zumba for showing me this song. I dare you to listen to it and not get addicted.)

"Lovestruck" - V-Factory

"Ayo Technology," - 50 Cent w/ Justin Timberlake and Timbaland

"Mas Que Nada," - Sergio Mendez w/ Black Eyed Peas

and last, but not least,
"LoveStoned," - Justin Timberlake. The single BEST JT song that has ever existed is still untainted! All is well.

22B422 Pt. 4: Superhero Party

Carleton College! This school has some messed up traditions, many of which involve being naked in public places. In my opinion, the school saves the best of these for Spring term (mainly, it saves Spring Concert for Spring term, but there's also Rottblatt and Mai Fete and Spring Prank (I don't actually know what this tradition is called). AND there's Superhero Party, which is essentially a Sayles dance at the Grand BUT IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT BECAUSE IT'S IN COSTUME!!

In theory, this should be the greatest event this campus has to offer. You're in costume, I think I've expressed before how everything is ten times better in costume. I'm having a really hard time putting my finger on what exactly I dressed up as last year, but I vaguely remember it involved the Whoa hip hop jersey and maybe tube socks? Who knows. I can tell you Ernesto didn't dress up as ANYTHING and it completely ruined the Superhero illusion.

You know what else is gonna ruin the illusion this year? The fact that I CAN'T GO because I'm going to Ann Arbor. lakjsdfljsdlkjthanksagainernestoalksjdlfj. Here's the list I've been mulling over for months trying to pick this year's costume.

1. Sailor Jupiter
Among other things, her powers include manipulating thunder/lightning and being smarter than Sailor Moon, so you can't get much better than that. Also, Jupiter is the biggest planet, soooooo no one else stands a chance. I've wanted to dress up as Sailor Jupiter since I was five, I kid you not. I distinctly remember that on my 10th birthday, I asked for a Sailor Moon costume because that was the only one they sold in Miami and it was the next best thing, and then going to the mall with my family to find that they didn't have any in my size. It was the worst birthday ever, I couldn't even write about it in my journal. My brother (bless his heart) tried to make me feel better by buying me a Sailor Venus doll a year later, and things have slowly started to heal since then.

2. Katara
I've ranted about how Katara is probably the coolest superhero I've ever seen in my life already, so I'll try not to bore you with more of that. BUT SERIOUSLY she can water-bend BLOOD. It's the creepiest/coolest thing. And it would be soooo fun to make a costume for this.. I could keep a pack of ice cubes in my pocket to lash out whenever there's no room on the dance floor, or carry a spray bottle on my belt.. the possibilities are endless. Katara is the bomb.

3. Aladdin

Look at those pants. Those pants look like the comfiest thing in the world, it'd be like wearing marshmallows on your legs. I think this is reason enough to want to dress up like Aladdin, but there are some other perks: I'd get to have a monkey sidekick (ssshhhhico!), I'd get to be barefoot, I'd get to sing, and I'd get to steal all the refreshments in character. 

22B422 Pt. 3: My dream job as Pawnee Muralist

I'm already behind on this project despite the 2-day handicap I gave myself, so let's get at it.
Some people have lofty, respectable goals in life: save lives every day at Seattle Grace Mercy West hospital, run the Boston Marathon, back-up dance with Justin Bieber*, etc.

* Actually, back-up dancing with Justin is my Number 2 Dream Job. I just wrote a really long tangent describing my ideal "Boyfriend" music video, but I'm gonna save it for tomorrow's post.

So anyway, my Number 1 Dream Job is to be the Pawnee Parks and Recreation muralist, and here are 6 reasons why:

1. The 1914 Pawnee Zoo, which housed a Jewish ornithologist.

2. Pawnee's Sunday Boxing matches in the 1880's. 

3. The trial of Chief Wamapo, who was accused "being Indian," a crime punishable by death in 1834. 

4. The Spirit of Pawnee.. there are like 10 scenes going on here. Like a Chinese man eating a hamburger.

5. The progressive wedding between a Wamapoke chief and a white woman which ended in a bloodbath. 

6. The traveling magician who was burned at the stake for being accused of witchcraft in 1973. 

If I've learned anything from being a studio art major, it's that it's a lot easier to paint a joke than to paint something you want to be taken seriously. It's also a lot funner to paint a joke (ZURICH DADA I'M LOOKING AT YOU). So why not get paid $10,000 for each one?! I'm telling you, this job would be the best thing ever, plus I'd get to use up that $20 tube of titanium white oil paint I still haven't finished. 

Like everything else in Parks and Rec, the murals are exaggerations based on truths, and I'd like to argue that while the paintings are mostly for laughs, they also remind the audience of unattractive periods in U.S. history that usually get glossed over. This post isn't going to get into a tangled up argument about whether trivializing those events does more harm than good, I'm sure you can find plenty of those  somewhere else. I just want to say that the murals are more than just jokes, and that their satirical take on politics has the potential to contribute more to our education and understanding of U.S. history than most contemporary art. 

7. BONUS REASON: The McSteamy music box. Are you looking at this?!! It looks photoshopped BUT IT'S NOT. IT'S MARK SLOANE INSIDE OF A MUSIC BOX!!! Probably singing "Let him know that you know best/ cause after all, you do know best."As Pawnee muralist, I would obviously take the reigns for this and other sculpture projects that objectify my favorite TV characters. Ernesto and I just watched this episode today and I about choked on my dinner in utter surprise/glee/adoration when Amy Poehler popped this up. Greg Daniels and Michael Schur, this is the best early birthday present I could have asked for.